Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 96046 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96046 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
My ambivalence was probably becoming obvious. Maybe a red flag, even. Why hadn’t I cared about the flowers when Casey’s mother asked me? I guess this just didn’t feel like a significant way to prove anything. I didn’t have the energy to delve into whether there was any deeper meaning to my attitude.
“I’m open,” I said. “Details like this sometimes make me flustered, so it’s easier to let someone else choose. If I could afford a wedding planner, I would’ve let them make all the decisions. I can work around whatever Lucy chooses for her dress.”
“Okay, then.” She smiled. “Follow me. We have lots of choices.”
I held my daughter’s hand as Lucy and the woman walked ahead of us. She brought us into another room that had a rainbow of dresses tightly sandwiched along a rack. The idea of having to choose among them made my head spin.
“We’re gonna be here all day.” Lucy laughed.
“You must have some idea what color you like,” the attendant said. “That way, I can narrow some choices, since not all dresses come in all colors.”
Lucy ran her hand along the gowns. “I was thinking maybe a blue. But not quite blue. A hint of green.”
“Like an aquamarine,” the woman added.
My chest tightened. “Neither blue, nor green. Aquamarine.”
My mind fell into a haze as an unwanted feeling of sadness and longing overtook me. Dorian. I’d tried so hard to keep my unresolved feelings for the man who’d shattered me at bay, but when they came up unexpectedly, as they sometimes did, it was always painful. How could I still have these feelings for a man who’d thrown me away? And it wasn’t just that he’d discarded me; he’d made me trust him fully before doing so. That had forever ruined my faith.
Trying to forget Dorian over the past five years had been a skill I’d practiced, a muscle I had to exercise. And it was a technique I’d nearly perfected. But occasionally, something would smack me in the face and remind me of him. It wasn’t that I missed him—how could you miss someone who broke your heart? But I did miss the experiences I’d had with him before he ended things. I missed the innocence I’d never get back. And I missed the connection I’d felt with him, even if it had been an illusion. I’d never been able to replicate that with anyone.
I missed the way I’d felt during those months. I missed waking up and looking forward to each day. I missed the passion I’d thought we shared. I missed the girl I’d been before the fantasy was destroyed.
Lucy snapped me out of my thoughts. “Are you okay, Primrose?”
“Hmm?”
“Are you all right? You look like you’re about to cry.”
“I do?”
“Yeah…” Lucy said. “You’ve been staring into space, and you look sad.”
My inability to hide it made me so damn angry. My daughter was here, for heaven’s sake. And I was thinking about another man while dress shopping for my wedding to her father. There had to be a place in hell reserved for that kind of behavior. If only I could control it.
“I’m fine,” I insisted.
I’m so not. Well, at least not when I think about Dorian.
“But I don’t like aquamarine,” I added. “So any color but that, okay?”
***
That evening at dinner, I gave Casey the rundown on our bridal shop trip—minus the aquamarine freakout, of course.
He wiped his mouth. “I’m so happy you found a dress you like.”
“Well, some of us liked it.” I glared teasingly at Rosie, who was playing with her pasta.
Casey laughed. “What do you mean?”
“Your daughter didn’t appreciate my style.”
He chuckled and tickled her side. “You didn’t like Mommy’s dress?”
She scrunched her nose and shook her head.
“You don’t mean that,” he said.
She giggled.
“Oh, I think she does. She wanted me in a conventional ballgown to match her Disney princesses.”
Casey smiled. “That’s so not your taste.”
“It’s not.”
“Did Lucy get a dress?”
“Yup. She picked yellow, actually.”
He made a face. “Interesting. Not sure how I feel about that.”
“I know. But I told her she could pick the color.” I sighed. “I’ll get used to it. We also got a dress for Peanut.”
“Oh, that’s right. I forgot she was getting a dress today, too.” He turned to our daughter. “Tell me about your dress, baby girl.”
She shook her head.
I wiped some spaghetti sauce off her mouth. “You’re being silly.”
“It’s so pretty,” she finally said.
“It is.” I nodded. “It’s white with sparkles.”
“Sparkles!” Casey beamed with exaggerated amazement. “I should’ve known. Can’t wait to see how you dirty that up by the end of the night.”
“Oh, you can count on that.” I laughed.
After I washed Rosie’s hands and face, she played in the living room while I returned to the kitchen. As I was stacking the dishwasher, Casey came up behind me and rubbed my back. “Everything okay with you?”