Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 84670 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84670 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 339(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
“True. You could be bisexual. You could be demisexual,” Rome suggested in a pleasant and calm tone, which might have made me hate him a smidge. How could he remain so calm when my world was changing in the blink of an eye?
He lifted a hand and scrubbed it across his chin and lips. “I don’t think I’d believe it if you told me you mistook me for a woman. The beard and flat chest are common with men, though there are some interesting exceptions out there. Plus, since we were kids, I think I’ve told you I’m a dude.”
“Don’t be an asshole. This wasn’t supposed to happen.”
Rome huffed out a soft laugh and sat up, leaning his forearms on his knees. “No? What did you expect to happen?”
“I don’t know!” I cried. That wasn’t true. I squeezed my eyes shut because I couldn’t look at him. “I thought it would clear up my memory of that day. It was supposed to be okay. Weird. But not a big deal. Afterward, we’d move on and maybe laugh about it years later, because I wouldn’t feel…”
This had been a test, plain and simple. And I’d failed.
Or passed?
Fuck! I didn’t even know anymore.
There was a long pause where the only sound in the room was my heavy breathing and the background music for the game we’d just finished playing. Everything felt so normal, but it couldn’t be. One of the big things I thought I knew about myself was wrong. Were there other things that I was wrong about? What was I supposed to do?
“Liam.” Rome’s sharp voice cut through the din in my head and snapped my eyes open to him. He was standing with a scowl on his face. “Stop it. Now.”
“But—”
“Change has always made you panic. Right now, you’re worrying about things you don’t need to worry about.”
“Yes, it will. Everything is going to change!”
“Will this wipe out all your knowledge about dinosaurs?”
“No, but—”
“Will they make you turn in your PhD because liking boys means you can’t have earned that degree?”
“No.”
“Will it make you less of a great cook? Will you forget how to make those fettuccine noodles now that you might be bi? And I will tell you, gay or not, it won’t save you in Mario Kart. You’re still going to need to cheat to beat me in that game.”
“I didn’t cheat! It’s a power-up.” My voice trembled as I argued, shaking half from laughter and half from tears that were fighting to escape.
“Whatever.” He walked around the coffee table and pulled me into a hard hug. The tears broke free as soon as my cheek touched his shoulder. I wasn’t even sure why I was crying. Fear? Relief that maybe there were deeper reasons for why my marriage didn’t work out? Frustration for the possible lost years? It was probably all the above and more.
One of Rome’s hands tightened on the back of my head while the other rubbed my shoulders. “Nothing has to change between us. We’re friends first, okay? I’m here for you. This doesn’t have to be a hard thing.”
I nodded, so fucking grateful that he was there for me. No judgments. No calling me stupid or gross or anything else. Just accepting. Patient and supportive.
“You wanna sit? I’ll get you something to drink.”
With Rome’s help, I shuffled over to the couch and dropped onto the cushions with a bounce. He snatched up my wineglass and disappeared down the hall. After my mini panic attack, I was feeling better. It was as if I’d purged a lot of my frantic energy so I could think. Part of me wanted to tell him to bring me some water, while the other part wanted him to bring the rest of that bottle of wine.
Rome was smarter than I gave him credit for. He refilled my wineglass halfway and filled a second glass with iced water. He set both on the table and joined me on the couch.
I drained the glass of wine in one go and took a sip of the water before setting it down.
“Calmer?” he inquired. All his earlier smugness was gone, so that now I saw only genuine concern.
“Yeah.” I nodded and flopped against the cushion. “I…I don’t know what to think. There are so many thoughts running through my head, but I can’t grab on to any of them.”
“I guess one easy thing is that no one knows what happened here tonight. Just because you’re realizing that you might be attracted to a guy, it doesn’t mean that you gotta walk out of here tomorrow wrapped in a rainbow flag.”
A snort escaped me at the image, but he had a point. This was our secret. I had time to figure out questions about my sexuality and who had a right to know about that.