Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
“So I was a consolation prize?”
She hugs him. “No. You know I love you, and now you’re practically my brother.” Aislin gives her attention back to me. “You seem smart. What should I do?”
“Umm…I’m book smart, not people smart. Honestly, I’ve never dated anyone in my life.”
“From what I’ve heard, Cillian claimed you.”
Dean nudges her.
“Wait. What is going on here? Who is telling you guys this stuff? It’s just…sex.”
“You’re fucking Cillian?” Dean blurts out.
Didn’t they know that? I rub a hand over my face. Having friends is hard. I’m not any more familiar with this kind of thing than they seem to be. “Oh my God.”
“Aww, his face is so red. Look how cute. We don’t really get embarrassed around here.” Aislin oohs and aahs over me like I’m a doll or something.
“I knew he wanted to fuck you, I just didn’t think you’d do it,” Dean explains.
“Well, he’s really hot,” are the first words out of my mouth, which embarrasses me even more. But then all the reasons this is a disaster start raining down on me. “It’s just a thing. We’re only hooking up for like…a little while. He doesn’t do relationships, and I couldn’t…we aren’t a fit for anything more than that.”
Dean frowns, and I know he understands what I’m saying, why I couldn’t be more with Cillian, and honestly? It makes my stomach tangle in knots, makes me feel two inches tall. Cillian has never been anything but caring to me.
Even if I wanted more, though, he wouldn’t.
“Let’s talk about something else.”
Aislin tells me more about Zuri, then swaps topics to the women’s self-defense class she runs on campus. Dean is so different with her, completely relaxed and more open than he’s ever been with me. It’s not hard to tell how much she means to him.
“Cillian is going to teach me some self-defense moves,” I admit.
“Okay, I know you don’t want to talk about it, but this is all so cute. Cillian’s never been like this with anyone before.” Aislin beams.
Unexpected hope blooms in my chest, and I try to tamp it down.
Before I can drive myself crazy trying to sort through what that means, or have to come up with a response, I hear the door open, Cillian and Tiernan saying something to each other as they come in.
Just like everything when it comes to him, my response is a mixture of two things—part nerves because I don’t know what to expect, and the rest desire along with the need to make sure he’s okay. Cillian doesn’t need me for that. He’s got a house full of people he loves and who will do anything for him. But I can’t help wondering if even they don’t see all the sides of Cillian, if there are pieces of him they can’t reach.
I look up to see Tiernan walk over to Dean, pulling him to his feet and searing their mouths together with this crackling intensity and craving for each other I feel in the air every time I’m around them.
I glance over to see Cillian with his back to me. He’s at the bar in their living room, pouring a drink.
Look at me, look at me, look at me.
“Hey,” Tiernan says, pulling my attention away from Cillian. “Anything that goes on in this house—”
“I don’t want to know about it,” I interrupt. “I don’t ever want to know any of it.”
Every time Tiernan looks at me, I could swear he hates me. There’s so much anger sizzling beneath the surface, but logically I know it’s not truly directed at me. He always seems like he’s in control, but like the smallest thing can make him snap, and I have yet to find a way to be comfortable around that.
I shiver but hope no one notices.
“Good,” he replies. “But some of the shit won’t be avoidable. You’re Cil’s responsibility. You fuck up, that reflects badly on him, and—”
“What! No. That’s not fair. I don’t plan to do anything I’m not supposed to do, but you can’t hold him responsible for my actions.” What if I accidentally mess up? What if I don’t mean to but do something wrong and then Cillian has to deal with the consequences? “I’d rather risk being alone than him being on the line.”
I’m surprised when Tiernan cocks a brow, looking amused. “Even if being on your own gets you killed? Or hurt?”
“Tiernan,” Cillian says sharply, and if I’m not mishearing, warningly too.
Tiernan ignores him. “I asked you a question.”
“Yes. I’m not used to this stuff, but I won’t risk Cillian getting in trouble for me. I’ll only stay if you only hold me responsible for my actions and not Cillian.”
“Kitten,” Cillian says. “That’s not—”
“It’s the only way I’ll stay!” I shout, without meaning to. “I don’t work that way. I don’t want anyone getting hurt, certainly not because of me.”