Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
“Let me see your ass.”
His eyes bug comically. “What?”
“I just want to wipe you down and make sure I didn’t hurt you.”
“But I want your cum.”
Pleasure sparks along my skin. “Jesus, you’ll be the death of me. You have me inside you. I’m just gonna wipe you up a little.”
He nods, then simply spread his legs for me, gives me so easily this part of himself he hasn’t given to anyone. What is it about me that makes Ollie feel so comfortable?
He’s puffy and red. I’m gentle as I clean his crack and around his hole, before dropping the cloth to the floor. I climb into bed with him, back against the gray headboard.
“Did I hurt you?”
“No. It was perfect.”
Good. Because I would never hurt you. I would do anything for you. You have changed my whole fucking world. I…
“Do you care if I smoke?” I ask him, wanting something to help calm this unfamiliar tornado of emotions inside me.
“That’s fine.”
I grab a joint from my nightstand, light it, and take a drag. The burning sensation immediately helps soothe me.
“I think I’m in love with you,” Ollie says as the first plume of smoke escapes my mouth.
I should probably be shocked, but I’m not. I should tell him he can’t love me, that all loving me will do is hurt him. I should walk away, but I won’t do that either. I inhale more weed into my lungs, then set the joint in the ashtray.
“I know I’m not like other people,” Ollie says. “I do this stuff all wrong. I probably shouldn’t have said that. I—”
“Yes, you should have,” I interrupt him. “Fuck other people. You’re better than them. You’re the bravest person I know.”
He rolls his eyes, glasses cleaner than they were when I’d gone into the bathroom.
“I’m serious. You walked into danger that night for a stranger.”
“You walk into danger all the time.”
“That’s not bravery for me. That’s life. But still, I do it knowing I’m protected and having experience taking care of myself. You didn’t, but you didn’t care.”
“I was scared out of my mind.”
“Being brave doesn’t mean you’re not afraid. It means you do shit anyway. Like tonight—knowing I was going to do something you disagree with but staying when I left.”
“That’s not bravery. That’s me putting my desires over right or wrong.”
I pull him to me, Ollie coming easily, straddling my thighs. “It’s fucking brave to go for what you want. Not everyone can do that. It’s brave to be in this house despite your convictions. It’s brave to love me even though your life would be easier loving someone else. We do this, and you’ll be spending your life walking two different sides of the line…because you’re not changing for me. You’re not walking away from your dream. You’re going to be a fucking lawyer, and you’re going to be mine. That’s fucking brave in my book. It would be the easiest thing in the world to walk away, the smartest, but you won’t. It’s not how you’re built.” I cup his smooth cheek, and Ollie nuzzles into it.
“You can’t walk away either…I know it, even if you’re not ready to say it. You can’t walk away from me.”
“No,” I admit.
“Or this.” He gestures around us.
It would kill me to do it, but maybe I would…for him.
“I won’t let you,” he adds. “Because I think you would try, but I won’t let you because it’s you. This is your family.”
I wrap my arms around him, pulling Ollie to me, face buried in his throat. What has he done to me? “I love you too.” The words are said into his skin, but I feel Ollie’s smile and know he heard them. When I pull back, I’m fairly certain his face is going to split in two. “You’re very proud of yourself.”
“I’m proud of us.”
“Jesus.” I can’t get enough of the shit he says. “Tonight…I…”
“No.” He shakes his head. “I don’t want to know. Maybe one day I will, but not yet. I accept who you are, but I can do that without the details.”
I swallow and nod, thankful he doesn’t want to hear because if he did, I’m not sure I could keep him.
I slide down the bed, taking him with me. We move to our sides, looking at each other, ridiculously. What the fuck even is this?
“Earlier…” Ollie says, “when we were messing around…you mentioned Rory. It turns me on, but you know I don’t want him the way I want you, right?”
“Yes.” I don’t even question it. “Kitten, I know what I am to you, and it’s impossible to have any jealousy between Rory and me. I would love to share him with you. Not all the time, but sometimes. I’m in love with you. I love him. It would be…special for me. For him to see us that way, see who you are to me in those moments…for him to be a small part of us.”