Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
“You don’t have to leave.” His voice is tight and I think about ignoring him, but instead, I turn back around to look at him. His eyes are taking me in as he goes from my face to my bag and back to my face again.
“You’re right, I don’t have to leave.” I hold the bag in both hands so he doesn’t see them shaking. “I never wanted to leave here, but you decided that for me.” I shrug. “And just for the record, I’ve never ever had someone want to take care of me,” I admit, “besides my parents.”
“At least you’ve had that,” he replies and I have always wondered about his parents. “I didn’t even have that.”
“I wanted to take care of you.” The words come out in almost a whisper. “If you would have let me, I would have taken care of you.”
“I can’t,” he says, and I smile sadly to stop the sob from roaring through me.
“Can’t or won’t?” I ask and then shake my head. “It doesn’t matter. I won’t be a burden to you anymore.”
“Lilah,” he says, and I can’t stand it any longer.
Not able to stand here another minute, I turn and practically run out of the house. Heading straight to my truck, I put the bag in the back seat before getting in.
I pull away from the house, too afraid to look back and see if he’s staring at me. Too afraid if I do and he’s not, it’ll break my heart more than it’s broken to begin with.
I pull out and head toward my place, not even caring if it’s safe or not. Knowing that any place but his is not going to make me feel safe.
I pull up to my parking spot and get out of the truck, grabbing my bag and heading up the stairs. The lights are brighter than I remembered them, and when I get to my door, I see that the doorbell is new and that there is a green light. I close my eyes, ignoring that the tears are now running down my face like a stream.
Getting in and closing the door behind me, I dump my bag to the side, and I press my back against the door, sliding down until my ass hits the floor. My body feels broken and in pain as the shaking now starts.
My body leans to the side so I can lie down, no longer able to support myself. I curl my legs into my chest, holding them close to get the coldness I feel in my bones to leave.
My head lies on the wood floor, my eyes staring straight ahead but seeing nothing. My eyes blink as the tears pour out of them. So many fucking tears come, and I can’t even fight to stop them.
I lie here in the darkness, waiting for him to come after me. Waiting to hear his voice tell me it’s a mistake and he loves me. Waiting for nothing, because he doesn’t come after me. I knew he wouldn’t. Deep down I knew he wouldn’t, but my heart, my heart begged for him.
My eyes blink away all the memories I’ve made in the past month. All of the memories I didn’t know I was making. All of the memories I now have to erase from my mind in order to survive. All of them gone in the blink of an eye. My eyes open and close as I blink until the blackness takes me away with the memories of what could have been.
Chapter Thirty-Four
EMMETT
I watch the hallway she just walked out of for so long after the front door closes it feels like I’m stuck in time.
I take the glass of whiskey and bring it to my lips, swallowing down the two fingers I poured while she was in the bedroom. I knew she would be pissed, but I never thought she would pack up and leave. Seeing her come out of the room with her bag, with tears streaked down her cheeks, was something I will never get out of my head.
I put my head back and close my eyes, trying to breathe without it hurting, the pressure making my breaths come in pants. I walk toward Lucy’s bedroom, checking in and actually seeing them sleeping. I close the door halfway, not touching anything for fear they will wake up.
Going to the front door, I open it to make sure she actually left. The pit of my gut clenches when I see only my truck is outside. I close the door softly and then turn out the lights before I turn and head to my bedroom.
I leave the soft light on in the kitchen in case the girls wake up. The minute I walk into the bedroom, my knees finally give out on me. My hand holds on to the wall to hold myself up, but my knees hit the carpet with my fingertips running down the wall. “Fuck,” I swear as my breathing gets really labored. I put my hand to my chest as my ass falls back to the floor and my back hits the wall. “This is what you had to do,” I tell myself, putting my knees up and my arms holding my bent knees.