Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
I look over my shoulder at her, wearing a pair of loose shorts with a matching long-sleeved shirt that falls off her shoulder. Her hair is pinned up on top of her head as she walks on her tiptoes toward me. “I don’t want to jinx it”—she smiles as she sits down beside me—“but I think the girls are sleeping.” She puts her hand on my leg. “They are both snoring, and the television is watching them.” Her legs press into mine as she leans into me.
I look toward the window that is Lucy’s bedroom. “You don’t say?”
“I think it was them going to play hide-and-seek in the backyard that did it. They were both sweaty messes by the time they came in and went to take a shower.” I take one look at her and know it has to happen.
“This can’t go on.” I say the words, even before I can take them back. The back of my neck heats up at the same time the dryness forms in my eyes.
I watch her face as long as I can before I turn to face the darkness. “What can’t?” she asks the loaded question.
“This,” I say, not sure I can look at her while I say this, “me and you.” She moves her hand from my leg and I feel the heat disappear, and in its place is a cold I’ve felt before, a cold I know is so deep I’ll never feel the warmth again. “I can’t give you what you need.” I shake my head.
“How do you know what I need?” she asks. “You’ve never asked me what I want or what I need.” Her voice sounds like she’s breaking and it kills me that I’m the one breaking her right now.
“It doesn’t matter. Whatever it is that you need, I can’t give it to you.” The pain in my chest is stronger than it’s ever been. “I can barely give it to myself. It’s just all too much for me. My life was thrown upside down with Lucy and now with you and all of it. It’s just more than I can take.”
“I see,” she mutters softly.
“I never should have asked you to help me so much with Lucy.” I look over at her now, and it’s her not looking at me. She’s looking straight ahead, and I want nothing more in my life than for her to look at me. “It’s not right.” My heart speeds up so fast I have to put my hand on my chest to rub the pain away, but I know nothing can make it go away.
She gets up, standing beside me, and she finally looks at me, and I see the tears running down her face. “You never gave us a chance,” she declares, her voice broken and as empty as I feel. “You never gave yourself a chance.” She turns and walks back into the house, closing the door softly behind her, the sound of the door shutting cementing everything.
Chapter Thirty-Three
LILAH
I close the door behind me softly, the tears making my sight blurry as I walk toward the room where my things are. I walk into the room and close the door behind me before I rush to the bag that holds all my stuff.
I start folding my things and putting them in the bag, nice and neat. Grabbing a pair of yoga pants and a T-shirt and bra, I get dressed and toss my pj’s in the bag before zipping it up.
I’m happy I at least did laundry yesterday so there is nothing that I’m leaving here. I grab my bag and pick it up, not willing to spend another night here. My heart just can’t handle it. I don’t know what the fuck is going on right now, but I know one thing; I need to get the fuck out of here. I grab my laptop, placing it in my bag, and when everything is packed up, I take a deep inhale before wiping the tears off my face. “You can do this,” I tell myself. “You have to do this.”
I turn off the light before I walk out of the bedroom, forcing myself not to go to Lucy’s room, and instead heading straight for the door. I walk into the family room, a room where we’ve watched countless movies together. A room where I sat down and did my work while Lucy read a book. A room where I felt safe, but now a room that shows me what was.
I see him standing in the kitchen when he looks up from the glass of whiskey in front of him. His eyes take me in and then take my bag in. The lump in my throat stops me from saying anything as I turn to walk to the front door.