Total pages in book: 54
Estimated words: 50032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 250(@200wpm)___ 200(@250wpm)___ 167(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 50032 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 250(@200wpm)___ 200(@250wpm)___ 167(@300wpm)
“Mierda.” Johnny’s watchful gaze is on mine the entire time I spill the beans. There’s so much more to say, except Johnny was there before when my sister would go on a bender, overdosing on whatever she could get her hands on, and he's seen her vomit all over herself more than anyone ever should. Needless to say, it happened a lot. I’d get her into a detox program, she’d go through the process, come out with a willingness to change, and then it didn’t matter where we lived or where she went, she’d find her next high.
“Yeah, so, there wasn’t a funeral. I didn’t put it in the newspaper. I had her cremated, received permission from a state park, and spread her ashes. Allowing her to finally be free. She may have put me through the wringer, causing me to need more therapy than I ever thought possible, but I also realized this addiction, no, this disease isn’t something that’s easily curable. The success rate is around forty to sixty percent, which means there’s just as much of the same rate for failure.” This isn’t even the worst part about what Sebastian and I have been through. I’d go through it all a million times over if it meant I could protect my nephew. Now, fate isn’t in my hands; it’s in the state of Georgia’s along with Johnny’s. It’s ultimately up to other people on how things will play out.
“I didn’t understand that until Mom got her hooks in me, I made a lot of mistakes, and the biggest one was giving you an ultimatum. Fuck, I’m sorry, Winn. So damn sorry for being a dick, for you going through all this alone, and for not being there to hold you through the process.” His hand lifts, cupping my cheek, then he swipes his thumb along my skin. The rough texture is a contrast to my smoothness. Even though he predominately runs the club, he’d have no problem stepping in to help his staff. I think his time as a barback in college taught him a lot on-the-job training when it came to the manual labor and knowing how shit can get if there aren’t enough hands on deck. It seems like he still jumps in whenever necessary, and I imagine the club has gotten bigger and better. Johnny doesn’t do half-measures. He’s a go-big-or-go-home type of guy in every single aspect.
“Thank you. Apology accepted, and now you need to hear mine.” How could I ever hold him at fault with how things ended? We’re both to blame.
“Winnie,” Johnny tries to interrupt with his need to take the fault for our break-up.
“Listen to me, please.” I place the palm of my hand over his mouth, shutting him up from talking any further. “I left you, and I shouldn’t have. I chose my sister over you. I could have reached out to help from anyone—your parents, our friends, my boss. They all would have helped without so much as blinking. Yet I chose to run, to cut ties, and maybe a bit of that was rooted in embarrassment and shame, but a lot of it was because Melanie threatened to terminate the pregnancy. And yes, it’s always a woman’s choice, but when we got to the hospital, she didn’t know her last menstrual cycle, so they did an ultrasound. Melanie was twenty weeks pregnancy. I heard his heartbeat, saw this cute little blob, and there was no turning back. You know me, you know how I grew up, being unwanted. I didn’t want that for a child, not if I could prevent it.” Johnny nods when I take a breather from spilling my guts.
“Alright, we’re both sorry. We both fucked up, me more than you, and that’s a motherfucking hill I will die on. Hush. Finish out the rest, get to the reason for coming home to divorce me, and then I’m going to tell you something that may make you want a divorce even fucking more.” My stomach drops. Johnny would never do anything to make me want to divorce him besides to protect Sebastian. Unless… I audibly gulp. Unless he moved on. I take a moment, my eyebrow furrowing. He wouldn’t be with me if he were with someone else. There is also a moment when I think that maybe he’s moved on and had a child with another. I spiral for a minute, thinking about how I’d accept his child with someone else seeing as how I’m raising my nephew. Then I get my shit together, reminding myself that this is Johnny Gonzales. He’s not that guy. His mom and dad would also stand in line to give him the smackdown, so to speak.
Yeah, so, now that I’m done losing my shit for a moment, I’ll finish my story. “Sebastian doesn’t have a father, well, not on paper. Melanie never told me who his father is. Whether she knew or not, we’ll never know. He’s not on the birth certificate, and when the hospital asked, she shook her head. That was the end. I didn’t bring it up because why start another never-ending argument? We went on our merry way until Melanie passed away, and I didn’t think about the fallout when news went around that she’s gone, and the system would knock on our door.” I take a deep breath, controlling myself before getting into the meat of the problem.