Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
I need to prove that I heard him. That I’m trying. Not so I can tell him how he should live his life, but so that he can see I’m living mine.
With a deep breath, I get out of the car and bound up the porch steps to the front door. I go to knock, but Whit’s mom beats me to it.
Her eyes are wary, but her voice is warm. “Rainn, so good to see you.”
“You too, Mrs. Whitaker. Can I talk to W—Leighton?”
“Oh. He didn’t tell you. He’s not here.”
Damn. Missed him.
“I looked for him on campus earlier but couldn’t find him.”
“He’s … He’s in Scranton. Flew out this morning.”
My heart sinks.
Even though I wanted this for him, and I am definitely happy for him … He left without saying goodbye?
“He’s due to come home tomorrow morning. He only went for a meeting.”
I force a smile I don’t feel, because the team is gonna love him. And if he actually made the trip out there, that means he’s interested.
I can’t hold him back from this opportunity. I can’t.
“If it makes you feel any better, he was rather reluctant,” Mrs. Whitaker says.
No, that doesn’t. Not at all. Because if he’s on the fence about staying or leaving, I can’t be the deciding factor.
“Could you … Uh, is it all right if you don’t tell him I stopped by when he gets home?”
“Are you sure?”
I am. Even if I hate it. “He needs to make this decision on his own.”
Her expression holds so much sympathy it hurts. “That’s noble of you, but if you want him to stay, you should tell him.”
“I don’t want him to miss out on opportunities because of me.”
She smiles. “I don’t think he’d be losing out if he chose you.”
I’m grateful for her words, but that’s the thing. I don’t want him to have to choose. Not between me and something else.
“Thanks, Mrs. Whitaker.”
I turn on my heel and march back to my car.
The drive home is totally different than my drive to the farm. The car is the last thing on my mind. All I’m thinking about is Whit.
If I lose my first love to an injury and lose Whit to hockey, it will be full circle.
I hate that this is what I wanted for him, and now I’m pissed he has it. I don’t want to be upset, but I am. Which is so stupid.
When I get home, my melancholy has set in full force. I trudge through my apartment building and throw open my door. Then I remember the other thing I did to show Whit I’m taking him—taking us—seriously.
My mom is sitting on my futon.
Yep. I called my mom, told her I was sorry for cutting her off for no real reason other than I was being sulky over losing hockey, and invited her to come for a visit to meet my boyfriend.
She was taken aback at first, obviously. A lot has changed in my life since my injury, and I didn’t let her in on any of it. The long two-minute silence she gave me after I came out was from shock, not disapproval, and once she got over it, she started talking animatedly and rearranged her work schedule to have a few days off to come up here and see me.
The distance I put between us after my career died is all on me, but she’s here now.
“Where’s the boyf—” Her mouth hangs open when she realizes I’m alone.
I shake my head. “He’s, uh, got an opportunity to meet with an AHL team, so he’s in Scranton.”
Mom’s face falls as she stands. “Oh, honey, are you okay? That must be hard seeing him get your dream.”
I huff because I realize something. That’s not why I’m upset at all. I’m upset because I’ll be losing him. Not that he gets to live the life I wanted.
“I’m in love with him,” I blurt. “And I’m scared I’ve pushed him away. He didn’t even want to go, and I made him do it.”
My heart is breaking, but this was my own making.
Mom hugs me, while I quietly hold back tears.
I can’t lose him.
But I can’t hold him back.
Long distance? It won’t work.
“Rainn?” Mom pulls back. “Did you hear what I asked?”
“Wha?” She said something?
“Dinner?”
“Oh. Right. Yeah, looks like we’re on our own.”
Like I will be once she leaves. Again.
Not that long ago, I was resigned to thinking that was my life. I was okay with it.
After being with Whit, I can’t imagine going back to being by myself.
And I don’t want to.
28
Whit
Okay, I can’t even deny that walking into a professional arena is intoxicating.
I thought I’d be meeting with Healy and maybe the coaches or something. The season is done, so I expect the arena to be empty, but they’re pulling out all the stops.