Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 80102 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 401(@200wpm)___ 320(@250wpm)___ 267(@300wpm)
We set something up for this coming Friday, and he says he’ll get the team’s assistant to send me the travel details.
It’s so tempting to go to Rainn and be all, “Look, I’m being the bigger person, you stupid jackass!” But I know it’ll be better if I don’t have pressure from him about this trip weighing me down.
As soon as I get back, though, there’ll be no stopping me.
I’m going to get my man.
27
Rainn
My stomach is in knots as I walk around the familiar campus. I used to act like I owned this place, but now it’s intimidating as fuck.
And come September, I’ll be back here. Not because I want to prove something to Whit, but because it’s time.
Am I scared? Terrified. But if I want to let go of my fear of making plans because I don’t want to be disappointed, I have to do this. I have to push through and just hope someone will be there if it all goes to shit.
I wonder if I had someone like Whit by my side when I was injured if it would’ve taken so long to get back here.
Whit helped me take these steps. He opened my eyes to a lot of things, the obvious being that I’m not straight, but it’s more than that.
He’s more than that.
He’s the light to my pessimism. He sees the good in me when I can’t.
I’m still a selfish ass, but when it comes to Whit, I don’t feel so self-absorbed. I’d do anything for him, and I’ll do anything to win him over.
I keep an eye out for him on campus, but this place is huge, so I doubt I’d be that lucky.
After it’s all official and I’ve submitted the paperwork to the registrar, I take a deep breath and head for Coach Keller’s office.
The hockey facilities are empty with the season being over, and I slow my walk and take in the emptiness. These halls are used to chaos, and the stillness of the off-season is a stark reminder that hockey is not the be-all and end-all.
I’ve let this sport hold me back from so much, and for what?
I want to get to a place where I can have my passion back without it overtaking my entire life. With my new outlook in place, I don’t hesitate to knock on Coach’s doorjamb.
He glances up from his computer and smiles at me. “Twice in one year? Careful, you might give the impression you want back in the game.”
“I do.”
“Finally!”
“I’m coming back to school to finish out my senior year.”
Coach doesn’t look pleased. “I thought you might be here to get the number of the guy I was telling you about again. Because there’s no doubt you threw that number away seeing as he says he never heard from you.”
“I don’t know what the future holds for me, but coaching is definitely an option. The thing is, one of your players has taught me a valuable lesson.”
“Whit?”
“I should have a backup plan for my backup plan so I don’t get completely crushed when plan A doesn’t work out.”
Coach nods. “That’s smart.”
“I was hoping … Well, I remember one year I was here, they had a volunteer assistant coach for the team? I’d love to do that if there isn’t already someone in that position. It would give me coaching experience, and—”
“Done,” Coach Keller says immediately.
“Thanks.”
Coach stands and shakes my hand. “Welcome back.”
I do an internal victory dance as I make my way back out to the parking lot where my new car awaits. It’s nothing fancy or anywhere close to brand-new, but it should be reliable. And I get to test it out properly on my drive to Whitaker Farms.
I must have PTSD because the whole way to Whit’s farm, I’m not thinking about groveling to Whit or fearing he might still be mad. No, what I’m worried about is breaking down in the middle of nowhere, Vermont, with no cell service.
Perhaps the guy who sold me the car was telling the truth, because I make it there with no problems whatsoever.
But as I pull into the long drive up to Whit’s family’s farmhouse, those nerves about Whit finally hit me, and my hands shake.
I’ve never really had to do this before. The whole I’m sorry thing. There’s a reason I don’t have many friends left from college, and that’s because I never apologized for being a jackass during my recovery.
I pushed people away.
Whit thought I was pushing him away too, but that was different. I was thinking about what was best for him and not me. The one time in my life I try to be selfless and look how I aced that shit.
My boyfriend is mad at me and hasn’t spoken to me in what feels like forever.
The text I sent him has gone unanswered, and I don’t blame him. Saying sorry isn’t enough, which is why I needed to make a plan and follow through on it before going back to him.