Total pages in book: 101
Estimated words: 94119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 94119 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 471(@200wpm)___ 376(@250wpm)___ 314(@300wpm)
Jesse Taylor had to live.
CHAPTER 24
Jesse
Itook a deep breath and sat down in Doc Duncan’s office. My mom answered the video call and gave me a strained smile. Today was the day. Another long, enduring phase of immunotherapy had passed, and today, we found out my fate.
Doc Duncan turned to me, and I held my breath as he said, “I’m so sorry to have to tell you this, Jesse. But the treatment has failed, and we are now at the stage where we must switch to palliative care.”
My mom’s agonized cry filled the room from the phone, but I didn’t cry. I had known this was coming. I had felt it. It wasn’t pessimism or giving up—my body had told me.
Over the past several weeks, I had become more exhausted than ever before. My bones ached nonstop, and I was so breathless some days that I found it difficult to walk.
It wasn’t the side effects of the monoclonal antibodies. I had known, deep down in my soul, that the treatment hadn’t worked. And worse, as I looked at June every day, seeing her fading before my eyes, I knew it hadn’t worked for her either. We hadn’t spoken it aloud to one another, we didn’t want to out those words out into the universe while there was still a chance, but we’d known.
“How long?” I said, feeling like I was having an out-of-body experience. Discussing your mortality—limited to now a mere set of days—was the most surreal thing on earth.
Mom reined in her cries, and Doc Duncan said, “From your most recent results, I would estimate between four and six weeks.”
It was funny—as a kid, four to six weeks would have felt like a lifetime. Summer vacation seemed to last forever, long lazy days and nights. Now, four to six weeks felt like no time at all.
Sand in an hourglass.
“Jesse, I’m coming to the ranch. I’ll find a way,” Mom said, and there was no argument from me this time. Because this was it. This time, there was no miracle cure for me. There was no place to go but onto the next of life’s adventures.
Susan was in the room with me, and when I looked at her, there were tears in her eyes. “I’ll walk you back to your room,” she said.
I shook my head and turned to my mom on the phone. “I…I’ll speak to you later, Mom. I…” I knew she could see in my face that I needed…well, I didn’t know what I needed. Time? Space? A new damn body?
No…I just needed June. But she hadn’t yet had her appointment with Dr. Duncan. I prayed that I was wrong and that her treatment had worked, but one look at us both, it was clear that our time here was limited. Chris, Silas, Cherry, Toby, and Kate—they were stronger. They’d been put through the ringer, but there was a light in their eyes that had dulled for me and June.
Susan put her hand on my back as I left the room. It felt nice. We’d become a little team of sorts these past couple of months. Susan had filled in the role of parent for me as best she could. Nurses were superheroes.
I wandered aimlessly, just walking the hallways numbly until I found myself at the chapel. I’d never been here before. I knew Mrs. Scott came here a lot, but I had never been big on religion. I believed in something bigger that could have been God. But now that I was close to death, I suppose my soul needed some guidance, some answers.
Soft, soothing piano music played as I entered—worship songs, I realized—and I sat down in the back pew and just stared at the altar. A cross was in the middle, along with depictions of Jesus in various stages of the crucifixion, and finally, the resurrection.
“Jesse?” Pastor Noel said, as he came into the chapel behind me. “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were coming in today.”
I smirked. “Neither did I.”
Pastor Noel clearly noted something was up, and he sat down beside me. He didn’t say anything, just let the silence dance around us.
“I’m dying, Pastor,” I said, and for the first time since I’d been told, I felt a crack of fear spread through my chest. My voice was weak, and it shook.
“I’m so sorry,” Pastor Noel said, and just let that sit with me too. He wasn’t pushing me to talk, and I appreciated that.
I studied the cross, and then the detailed painting of the resurrection. “What do you think happens after death?”
Pastor Noel relaxed beside me. “Me, I believe in heaven. But many people believe other things.”
I nodded.
“I believe that what happens next is beautiful and serene and filled with peace and happiness. No pain, and all ailments will be cured,” Pastor Noel said.