Total pages in book: 97
Estimated words: 96046 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 96046 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 480(@200wpm)___ 384(@250wpm)___ 320(@300wpm)
“What happened?”
“I found out he worked in construction for a contractor about thirty minutes away. I told my mother I was going to a lake for the day with my friend Brittany and her family. Instead, Brittany asked her older brother to drive us to the construction site.” I shut my eyes. “I thought if I wore the prettiest dress I owned and got myself all dolled up, maybe he’d be happy to see me.” I shook my head. “It was delusional.”
“You thought maybe he wasn’t the person your mother thought he was…”
Nodding, I shut my eyes as I felt tears start to form.
“You don’t have to finish the story.”
I felt his hand on my arm.
I opened my eyes. “It’s just hard for me to go back to that place. There’s no worse rejection than that which comes from the person responsible for your existence. Whenever I look at myself in the mirror, I see him—the face of the man who looked me in the eyes and called me a liar and told me to leave. How do you love yourself when all you can see in that mirror is someone who hates you? When people tell me I’m beautiful, I feel like they’re lying.”
“That’s fucked up,” he muttered. “I’m so sorry.”
“The pain that comes from rejection by your own parent is not something that can ever be healed.”
He looked at me a long moment. “You’ve said before that you try to beat men to the punch, breaking up with them before they have a chance to hurt you. Is that because you think they’re all like him?”
I nodded. “I’m sure that’s part of it.”
“Your father is a shit human. And I hate that you see him when you look in the mirror. I obviously don’t know what he looks like, but when I look at you, I see the kindest eyes and the most beautiful face. It’s your face, no one else’s. You can give someone your genes, but that doesn’t mean anything. Your spirit is nothing like his.”
His words felt like a warm blanket.
“Thanks,” I said. “There’s one good thing that came out of that meeting, though…”
“What?”
“That night I went home and drew for the first time. Despite the pain of the experience, it was the start of a new way to express my feelings. Now I rarely do that any other way than through art.”
“Except when someone like me forces you to talk about it.” He offered a sad smile.
“I’m glad you did, because every time I do, it’s a reminder that talking about it won’t break me. I can talk about it and move on. It’s important to let stuff out.” I wiped my eyes. “Anyway, thanks for the closet chat.”
“I should be thanking you for letting me share first. An eye for an eye.” He chuckled. “Or an ear for an ear.”
My emotions threatened to overwhelm me, so I walked out into the bedroom. “I’ll see you tomorrow night, right?”
“Yeah.” He hesitated. “I’ll see you then.”
I wondered, though, if I actually would.
Back in my bedroom, I pondered what I was going to wear tomorrow. As I flipped through the closet, I knew my concern had nothing to do with impressing Brandon and everything to do with stealing Dorian’s attention. That was a game I apparently didn’t mind continuing to play. I just hoped it didn’t end with me getting burned.
CHAPTER 13
* * *
“You look absolutely stunning, Primrose,” Brandon said as he moved in to kiss me on the cheek.
Janelle and I had arrived at Juno Bar a bit early and had already ordered a drink by the time Brandon showed.
I’d worn a black crop top paired with black leather pants tonight. The shirt was a shimmery material and was as fancy as it got in my half-shirt collection. I’d spent extra time on my hair and sprayed a fresh burst of perfume before I left the mansion. And if pressed, I’d have to admit that it was all for my roommate, no one else.
But that was if Dorian even showed up. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if he bailed again. In fact, I was almost expecting it. Or at least I had to expect it to protect my feelings. I really wished it didn’t matter so much.
After chatting for a minute, Brandon asked, “Can I get you ladies another drink?”
I lifted my glass. “I’m just gonna nurse this one.”
“Actually, I’ll have another cosmo.” Janelle smiled.
“You got it.” He made his way over to the bar.
She elbowed me. “You should bring guys along more often when we go out. Can’t say I mind getting my drinks paid for.”
“That’s obviously not why I invited him, but noted,” I said, glancing at the door.
“Why do you keep looking over there?”
This was like déjà vu of the art event. I’d spent that entire evening checking the door, and Janelle had called me out on it then, too.