Total pages in book: 71
Estimated words: 66518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 66518 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 333(@200wpm)___ 266(@250wpm)___ 222(@300wpm)
“I’d rather talk to you.”
“Good. Me, too. There’s actually something I want to ask you.”
“Okay.”
He paused before saying, “Over the last two months, I tried to keep this strictly platonic. I thought that would make it easier to cope with the distance between us. But there’s nothing platonic about all these thoughts, and dreams, and fantasies we’ve been having about each other, so I guess I’m wondering what you want to do. Do you want us to be friends with benefits, or something more?”
“You mean so much to me, Ryder. You’ve become an important part of my life, and I think we’re already more than friends with benefits. I’d say I want us to start dating, but is that really a possibility when we’re living so far apart?”
“I think we just proved it is.”
A huge smile spread across my face. “Yeah, I guess we did.”
8
Ryder
“You’re getting carried away,” Tank told me. “I know you want everything to be nice for Hal’s visit, but he’s not going to look under your fridge. There’s no reason to clean under there.”
“Help me move it anyway.”
My friend frowned, but he got up from my kitchen table and did as I asked. Between the two of us, we were able to step it forward a few feet. The fridge was a solidly built behemoth that was an unfortunate dark yellow color called “goldenrod.” It was two decades older than me, and I was convinced it would outlive us all.
As I swept up the dust bunnies and dog hair we’d revealed, Tank asked, “What exactly are you hoping for here, that Hal decides to stay forever when he sees how sparkling clean this place is?”
I went to the sink to fill my mop bucket. “Of course not. I always clean before I have company. If I’m doing extra, that’s just because this place needed a good spring cleaning.”
“It’s more than that. You seem nervous.”
“Maybe I am, a little. I really want him to be happy and comfortable here, and I want him to have a good time. He desperately needs a break, because he’s been so busy. Now that he finally has a week off, he’s chosen to spend it here, with me. I don’t want him to regret that decision.”
“Yeah, I get all of that,” Tank said, as I ran my mop over the patch of linoleum. “But is some part of you looking at this as a test run? You and Hal can’t keep the long-distance thing going forever, and you and your menagerie aren’t moving to San Francisco any time soon. So, the only way you two can be together is if he becomes so enamored of this place that he decides to move in.”
“There’s no way he’d ever do that. Even if he claimed he wanted to, I’d talk him out of it. He’d be throwing away the career he’s working really hard for, not to mention leaving behind all of his friends, who are like a family to him.”
“You’re making excuses.”
I stuck the mop in the bucket and turned to him with a frown. “I’m being realistic.”
Tank ignored that and said, “Here’s what I find confusing. We both know you really care about Hal, which is why you couldn’t leave it as a Vegas fling. Then you couldn’t just leave it as a friendship. Now you two have been long-distance dating for the last couple of months, but that’s got to evolve, too.”
My frown deepened. “Does it?”
“Yes, because you’re you! There are people who can casually date and leave it at that, but you’ve always been a relationship kind of guy. As far as you’re concerned, dating leads to commitment and eventually, marriage. There’s always been that end goal, every time you’ve gotten involved with someone. But, as you just explained, this thing with Hal will never end up there. It can’t, logistically speaking.”
He leaned against my kitchen table and studied me as he continued, “So, it leaves me wondering. Did you get involved with Hal because you know—consciously or subconsciously— that it can’t turn into something serious?”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because your last relationship broke you, and now you’re afraid to try again.”
“You’re overthinking this.” I tossed an old towel onto the floor and used my foot to slide it around and soak up the wetness. “I’ve only known Hal for four months, and we’ve been dating for half that time. It’s early days, and way too soon to worry about the future.”
“I know you’ve thought about it, though. You’re that type of guy. You plan ahead. You—”
I cut him off with, “I’m trying really hard to just live in the moment.”
“How’s that working out?”
I sighed before admitting, “Okay, yes, I do think about where this is going, and no, I don’t know how we’ll make it work long-term. But I like him so much, Tank. I really, really fucking like him, and I want him in my life, even if all we can do is text and video call, with an occasional visit whenever we can manage it. I don’t have any answers for the rest of it, or the first clue about what’s going to happen down the road. I’m not going to let that uncertainty keep me from enjoying this though, and appreciating every moment we have together.”