Total pages in book: 108
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 104802 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 524(@200wpm)___ 419(@250wpm)___ 349(@300wpm)
“I hate that I fucking care.”
“That just means you have a big heart. Don’t hate that.” He shrugs. “I love that about you.”
“The murderer with the big heart?”
“Yes,” he answers simply. “It’s you who taught me we can be more than one thing.”
Fuck, I love him. So goddamned much. I want to protect him, to keep him safe—from them, from me. “I don’t want you around them. Any of them…or to see me with them.” It’s different with the people in this house, but the others, they’re harder, colder. They’ve seen and done more.
“Then how will this ever work? They’ll be a part of your life forever. If I am too, then you can’t keep your two worlds separate. I know I said that in the beginning, but it’s not feasible. That might be easier while we’re at school, but soon you’ll want to go back there for good. Where does that leave us if you don’t want me around them?”
He’s right. Ollie seems to always be right. “We have to be careful. And you have to fucking listen to me. And you can’t trust anyone. I want you by my side every fucking second, but if you can’t be, you’re to be with Rory, Tiernan, or Dean.”
“Yes, sir.” He steps back and gives me a playful salute.
I roll my eyes. “I’m serious. I can’t believe I’m even thinking of bringing you there.” But how will we ever last if I don’t?
“I can take care of myself. I have to be able to take care of myself. That’s important to me.”
“I get that, I do, but you need to see where I’m coming from too. You want to protect me just as much as I want to protect you. We just do it in different ways, but even you thinking I should go is your way of trying to protect and take care of me. That’s what love is.” I have no fucking idea when I got so damn smart, but I’m really proud of what I just said…and I know it’s true.
“Good point.”
“Right? I fucking owned that.”
Ollie chuckles. “I’ll be careful, but you have to be careful too.”
“I’m always careful.”
“Um…well, that’s debatable. But now that we’re going to Boston this weekend, I want to ask you something.”
I study him for a moment, wondering where this is going. “What is it?”
“Go home with me for Christmas. Are you allowed to like, have a mob-free vacation? I want you to meet my dad. I want him to know you.”
My heart stumbles over itself a couple of times. I can’t wrap my head around it sometimes, how he can love me. How he can look at me and think I’m the man he should bring home to meet his father.
“Why?”
“Because I love you,” he answers as if it’s the simplest thing in the world.
“What if he doesn’t like me?”
“He will.”
“Or doesn’t want you to be with me?”
“Are you planning to try to sell him drugs or get him offed? If not, I don’t think he’s going to know all those things about you.”
I give him a small smile and offer him my truth. “I don’t want to mess this up. I don’t want to lose you.”
“You’re not. And he would never say that, even if he knew. He wouldn’t understand, but he would trust me.”
I’m not sure I agree, but I won’t argue with him about it either. If he wants to believe that, I’ll live in his fairy-tale land with him.
“I’ll make it happen,” I promise.
“I love you.” He pushes up onto his toes and kisses me.
“I love you too.”
CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
Ollie
Going to Boston is probably only happening because of what I said to Cillian, but now that we’re in the car and driving there, I’m nervous. And worried I won’t be able to hide my anger at Cillian’s dad. I’ll never understand how he abandoned his son after Cillian’s mom died, how he can fail Cillian over and over again. How he can be so close physically to his son, yet emotionally so far away. He doesn’t realize the gift he’s been given, and part of me doesn’t want him to have the chance to make amends, but that’s not what’s best for Cillian.
He struggles to admit it, but he wants a real relationship with his father, and I want him to have everything he needs.
The fact that Cillian doesn’t want me to even leave his side while we’re there doesn’t bode well for this being a normal family reunion. If we’re going to make this work, though, I can’t not ever be around his family. I’ll have to find that middle ground between not wanting to know about the things they do and still being involved in his world.
I shift in the passenger seat, and Cillian glances over. “You good?”
“Yes. What about you?”