Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Looking at the hole, I know if he would have gone in, he would have gotten stuck. Squatting down, I take one more look at him as he stands there, bent over at his waist, his hands on his knees as he exhales and inhales. His eyes find mine for a second, and I can see the tears in them, the worry, and the franticness he must feel. Most importantly, I see the love he has for Lucy. “I’ll bring her out,” I assure him before I basically belly crawl into the space, the heat hitting me right away. Once I’m in the hole, it opens up a bit, and I’m able to fully get on my knees. “Lucy,” I call her name softly as I move slowly down the clearing. There is dust on my hands and knees, and I maneuver around the two-by-fours holding up the walls. I remember seeing some of Charlie’s cousins’ kids playing hide-and-seek here when I was cleaning out the stalls. A yellow tractor is tucked behind like someone was hiding it and forgot it. “Lucy?” I call her name and crawl around the corner and see her sitting against the wall with her legs propped in front of her. She looks up at me, her face streaked with tears. “Hey,” I say, going toward her and sitting next to her. “You had us all worried—” I start to say. “You had your dad worried.” She looks over at me as I stretch my legs out in front of me, the ceiling an inch from my head. “Are you okay?” I ask softly, knowing she isn’t okay but not sure how to play it. I’m scared I’ll make her retreat even more or she’ll hate me for helping her dad. But mostly, I’m afraid I won’t be able to help her.
“I want my mom,” she whispers, and the sobs come ripping through her. I can’t help but reach over and pull her into my lap. She lays her head on my chest; my arms wrap around her so she can feel my comfort as my T-shirt absorbs the tears pouring out of her. “I just want my mommy.” Her breath hitches as she tries to control her emotions, but it’s too much for anyone, let alone an eight-year-old little girl.
“Oh, baby.” I kiss the top of her head, rocking her side to side. “I know.” My heart breaks for her.
“I just want her back,” she murmurs between sobs. “I just want my mom back. I want her back. I want her back,” she chants over and over again. Her voice goes high at the end, and I can’t help my own tears that fall on top of her head.
“Baby, if I could,” I comfort softly when her sobbing calms down. “If your dad could, he would give you that. He would give you the world.” I try to soothe her, try to say the words so she knows he would do anything for her.
“He doesn’t like me,” she whispers. “He doesn’t want me. I want him to take me back home to my house.”
“He’ll never give you up,” I say, no matter how much of a grump he is. I know he loves this little girl, even if he has a weird way of showing her.
“Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Graham can take me and keep me,” she says, “so I can be next to my mom.”
“Lucy.” I rock her side to side. “One, I don’t think your dad will give you to anyone because he’ll probably miss you too much.” I kiss her head softly. “And second, you are always with your mom.” She looks up at me, confused. “She’s in your heart, isn’t she?” I ask. “Do you love her?”
“Yes.” She lays her head back down on my chest.
“Then she is with you everywhere you are. You carry her with you. She’s everywhere with you.”
“But I want her here,” she sobs. “I want her to hug me and tuck me into bed.” I close my eyes, listening to this little girl, who, at eight, has the weight of the world on her shoulders. “She said she would never leave me.” The sob rips through her. “She lied.”
“Lucy,” I say, “do you think she didn’t love you?” I don’t wait for her to answer. “She loved you so much there is no way she would ever leave you if she didn’t have to.”
“She can come back. I want her to come back.” I don’t know what else to say after that. There is nothing to say. Nothing I can say will make this better. Nothing anyone can do will soothe her. The only thing that will do that is having her mother.
“If she could come back”—I put my head back—“she would in a heartbeat. There is no way she would leave you. No way she would be able to give you up. No way she would be able to walk away from you. Think about it, baby girl.” I squeeze her a little tighter. “Think about everything she did for you. I don’t know her, but I’m guessing she lived for you. Lived to make sure you were okay. Lived to make sure no one hurt you. Lived to watch you blossom.” She doesn’t say anything to me. There really is nothing to say. “She would move heaven and earth to come back to you.” The sobs go quiet after a while, and I look down at her, seeing her eyes closed and the soft snore coming out of her.