Total pages in book: 115
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 107254 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 536(@200wpm)___ 429(@250wpm)___ 358(@300wpm)
“Emmett,” she croaks out my name.
“She shot him,” I cut to the end of the story. “Shot him five times in the chest, while I watched from the side of the wall. Pulled a gun out of her purse and just started shooting.”
The gasp that escapes her is more than I think I can bear. “She emptied the whole fucking gun in his chest and said she was not guilty. You see, my mother blamed me.” I point at my chest. “She killed my father and left me all alone in this world, and blamed me. I put it in her. Put the evil in her. If it wasn’t for me, for having me, she would never have had all those demons in her.”
“Emmett, no.” She shakes her head, the tears like a river going downstream, running down her face.
“My fault.” My hand in a fist, I hit myself in the middle of my chest. “It was all my fault. I grew up in foster care. Who wants to adopt a kid whose mother was a murderer, and not only that, shot her husband? I’ll tell you who, no one. Not one fucking person would want to touch me.” Lilah doesn’t say anything. Instead, she just looks at me, the look in her eyes filled with sorrow and sadness. “When I was eighteen, I went to see her, and she told me I was the poison. Me. She told me that anything I touched would be tainted. That anyone I loved would be filled with the evil that I had in me. I couldn’t do that to anyone, so I made my peace that I would die alone. Until Lucy”—I smile—“and until you. Until fucking you.” I point at her. “I fell in love with you and the only thing I could do was tell myself that you deserved better than me. You deserved to have someone who could love you with everything they had, and not someone who was so fucking broken that I didn’t even know what love was.”
She puts her hand to her mouth as a sob comes through her and I go to her, holding her face in my hands, wiping the tears with my thumbs. “Don’t cry, baby,” I say. “Not for me.” I kiss her lips. “Never for me.” I swallow the lump. “I’m sorry I sent you away. I’m sorry I wasn’t man enough to tackle my demons with you by my side.” The pressure in my chest comes on full force. “I’m sorry I wasn’t the man you needed.” I kiss her one last time. “I won’t burden you anymore.” I take one more kiss from her and turn to walk out of the room to the sound of her crying. I make it to the hallway before my knees give out on me. Holding on to the wall to help support me, not seeing anything in front of me, when I feel an arm around my waist.
“I’ve got you.” I look over and see Casey there. “I’ve got you.”
“She can’t be alone,” I tell him. “She needs someone with her.” My mind worries about her and only her. “Get someone in there with her.”
We walk out of the ICU and past the waiting room that was filled not more than three hours ago when she came out of surgery, and the doctor said she was going to be fine. They forced me to go and take a shower to wash off the blood from my clothes. I left for forty-two minutes before I rushed back. Her parents were taking turns sitting with her but left when I came back. Now the only one in the room is Charlie, who springs to his feet when he sees me. “Go to her,” I tell him, and he shakes his head. “Go fucking to her.”
“I’ve got him,” Casey assures Charlie. “I have him.” He nods and rushes to Lilah’s room.
I go over and collapse in a chair. “You want to get out of here?”
“No,” I tell him, “I’m going to sit here until her parents come back.” I rub my hands over my face, feeling empty inside. “Then I’ll leave her be.”
He sits next to me not saying a word, not one word. I sit here looking straight ahead at nothing until her parents come in. “She’s waiting for you,” I tell them, getting up and nodding to them before walking out of the room and into the rain.
Chapter Forty-Three
LILAH
I stare out the window from my hospital bed. I see the sun shining outside but feel like it should be raining and cloudy. It’s been two days since he walked out on me after giving me his story. Two days since my heart has felt like it was ripped out from my chest. The pillow under my face is wet from my tears that come all day long. My legs are tucked to my stomach as I stare into the distance trying not to think about him, but at the same time knowing that his voice replays in my head all day long. He is the one waiting for me in my dreams, where I’m able to hug him and tell him how much I love him. The hospital door opens, and I turn my head to the side with the hopes of it being Emmett. But just like every time before, it’s not him. It’s been everyone but him. So many fucking visitors from my parents to people from the barn, to even Sierra who rushed down here when she heard the news. The only one I want is Emmett, and the closest I got to him was Lucy, who I held on to with everything I had, wishing it was him.