Total pages in book: 168
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160782 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 804(@200wpm)___ 643(@250wpm)___ 536(@300wpm)
Adrian hunches his shoulders. “We are not sure, but we think it was accidental.”
My eyes go back to my broken love. “Does he use cocaine regularly?” I ask as I gently run my hands over his forehead.
Cameron frowns. “No, not regularly. Tash, this was an accident. He has been down lately. He would have just been trying to get through the day.”
Realization hits me. “This is all my fault,” I sob.
I turn back to Joshua, my beautiful Josh. He is nearly unrecognizable to me. He has tubes coming out of him every- where and is hooked up to machines. He is a lot thinner than when I last saw him and pale, he has no color. He has a beard, probably around two- or three-weeks growth. He’s been neglecting himself, as I have. We are as bad as each other, I have never looked like such a sack of shit in my life.
I put my head back down on his chest and sob. “I’m so sorry, Josh. I didn’t know what to do. My dad said it was wrong and then he died,” I sob out loud. “And then I lost you. I was so deep in grief I couldn’t see straight, and now you’ve done this, and it’s all my fault.”
Adrian walks over behind me and puts his hand on my shoulder. “Tash, this isn’t your fault, and it has been a terrible string of circumstances. Ones that have been out of your control. Josh doesn’t blame you, he understands. He is just not handling things well at the moment, but he will get better and now you are here you can work things out together.”
I nod as I wipe my eyes and turn back to look Joshua.
“You’re right, he has to get better.” A sudden burst of anger breaks through. “Do you hear me, Joshua.… don’t you dare think about dying. You can’t leave me.… not now. You fight this.… do you hear me? So help me God, Joshua Stanton.… I mean it, listen to me.” I break back down into a fit of tears. Dear God, let him be ok, this is such a mess.
Cameron walks back over and pulls me into his arms. “He needs you to be calm, Tash. We are trying to regulate his heartbeat, being irrational will not help the cause.”
I nod, he’s right. Calm.… I need to keep calm. I nod and pull away from Cameron and immediately pull a chair to sit next to the bed. I need to find some inner strength and I need to find it fast. I grab Joshua’s hand and kiss the back of it and put my head down and start to silently pray. Please pull through, please pull through. About three hours later I find myself leaning forward with my head resting on Joshua’s upper arm. I am somewhere in between sleep and delirium when I jump with a start as the nurse and doctor enter the room. I quickly stand to allow the doctor greater access. He checks Joshua over and reads his chart.
He gives me a warm smile. “Mrs. Stanton, it seems you have a positive effect on your husband. His vitals indicate a promising result and I think he is going to be ok, he has passed the worst of it. It will be a few days, but it seems all is well. We are going to start bringing him out of his sedation.” A wave of gratitude washes over me and my face breaks into a huge smile. I run immediately to the door and out into the waiting lounge where I see Cameron and Adrian.
“He’s going to be ok,” I gasp. They both stand in a rush to cuddle me and the three of us stand embracing each other. We stand still, united and exceedingly grateful. It is then I notice Amelie standing in the corner of the room alone.
I turn to her and smile. “He’s going to be okn Amelie.” She nods nervously and gives me a weak smile. Cameron then picks me up and twirls me around and I laugh out loud. He carries me back into Joshua’s room to see the doctor himself. The doctor smiles warmly at Cameron and shakes his hand and Cameron excitedly grabs him in an embrace, forget the handshake. Adrian walks in behind us.
“It looks as though he is through the worst of it. We are going to keep him lightly sedated for the next twenty-four hours just to keep his vitals down. Mrs. Stanton, do you want to stay the night or are you going home?”
“I will be staying, if that’s ok,” I smile.
He smiles and nods. “I will organize a bed to be brought in for you then.”
“Thank you, Dr.,” I reply as he leaves the room.
“Why did you tell them we are married?” I ask Cameron.