Total pages in book: 81
Estimated words: 73153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 73153 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 366(@200wpm)___ 293(@250wpm)___ 244(@300wpm)
I had promised Trevor I wouldn't though. I didn't want to break that promise to him. But fuck, some days, it was hard.
I stared at the TV in front of me, not really paying attention to what was on it. I was sitting on my bed, leaning against the headboard with my knees pulled up against my chest and my arms wrapped around my legs. I was wearing skinnies with a pullover hoodie, covering my skin. It was warm in the house, but I was still self-conscious of my scars and the recent cut I had obtained.
Trevor knocked on my open door and stepped in, giving me a small smile. My heart skipped beats at that smile. Lately, Trevor had been making my heart do crazy things. I really liked him, but I wouldn't allow him to know that. He could have any girl he wanted. Why would he want someone as broken as me?
He played football. He owned a motorcycle. He smoked, which gave him that bad-boy vibe all the girls loved. He smelled like Axe and burning cigarettes. His hair was dark and messy, and his eyes were dark chocolate; he had the looks to make any girl swoon, and it was no secret to anyone that he used his looks to his advantage all of the time. The times I had seen him without his shirt, his chest, torso, back, and upper arms had been covered with tattoos.
He was every girl’s dream.
He could do a hell of a lot better than me.
"What are you up to?"
I shook my head. "Nothing.” I turned my gaze back to the TV in front of me.
He sat on my bed, making me look over at him, and his eyes captivated mine instantly. He reached forward and grabbed my hand in his. Pushing my sleeve up, being careful of my cut, he revealed my scars. I tried yanking my arm away from him, but he shook his head and exposed all of my scars to his hungry eyes.
I was ruined. My bottom lip trembled. I was disgusting.
"Don't hide from me." I swallowed thickly, my hands beginning to shake as he ran his fingers over the white scars on my wrist. "You don't have to be ashamed around me. You're perfect."
"No, I'm not," I muttered. "Look at me. My dad hates me enough to beat me and r-rape me.” I choked out. “My mom didn't love me enough to protect me. Now I'm covered in scars. How can I be perfect?"
He did something I never expected him to do. He lifted my wrist to his lips, kissing the scars that covered my forearm, his eyes never leaving mine. Chills swept down my spine, and my heart began beating at a pace that was extremely unhealthy. But for once, I wasn’t panicking.
"You're perfect to me, Tracey."
Chapter Nine
I'd been avoiding Trevor after what he told me a little over a week ago. Every time he came over, I locked myself in my room, and I didn’t come out until he left. He had tried texting me the first couple of days to check how I was doing, but when I didn’t respond, he eventually stopped.
I convinced myself that it was for the best. I didn't want him to get close to me. He deserved someone so much better than me.
What could I possibly offer him?
He had college ahead of him. Even if he had been abused, he was better than me. He was able to get past what happened to him.
I wasn't able to do that.
I wasn’t strong like him.
I was stuck in the past. I couldn't move forward. I was stuck in the darkness.
I wouldn’t, couldn’t, refused to drag him into it with me.
Trevor was light. He shined bright.
I was the complete opposite.
"Tracey, we're all going to the movies. Do you want to go?"
I looked up at Kaleb, where he leaned against my doorjamb. I wanted to go, but I knew Trevor would be there. So, I couldn't go.
I had to stay away from him because, for whatever reason, I was drawn to him; I found comfort and strength in him, and I couldn’t allow myself to want that.
I just shook my head at him. "I think I'll pass.” I turned my attention back to the muted television.
Kaleb sighed softly and entered my room, sitting on my bed. "Are you okay?"
Was I okay?
I really didn't know anymore these days. I just felt empty, dead, lost.
I just shrugged at him. Kaleb reached forward slowly and tucked my hair behind my ear. I flinched away from him, forcing myself to ignore the hurt look on his face when he dropped his hand back to his lap. "You know I'm here for you, right? If you need someone to talk to, or just a shoulder to lean on, I'm here. Don't ever think that you're alone."