Total pages in book: 132
Estimated words: 125213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 501(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 125213 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 626(@200wpm)___ 501(@250wpm)___ 417(@300wpm)
I tried to keep my face neutral, to hide the sting that her words brought to my chest. Just when I thought maybe she saw more in me, she’d say shit like that and remind me I was wrong.
Then again, could I blame her if even I didn’t think any more of myself?
I’d lived a life no one else had, one that made me tick differently. When it came to motivators, I had none — there was no family to provide for or make proud, no parents to show off for, no wife to impress, no kid to set an example for.
There was just me.
And most days, the only thing that got me by was hockey.
Some days, not even that excited me.
Maybe that was why Mia didn’t trust me to keep a promise when I made it. But the sick part of this joke was that she was the only person in my life whom I felt the need to uphold my word with.
She was the only one I felt deserved better than what I had to offer.
“You know, even with a fish head mask, I’m pretty sure you could pull more pussy at that bar than any of the guys we were playing against.” Mia leaned back to mirror my stance, her statement shaking me out of my thoughts. “Did you see that bachelorette group tittering in the corner when we were playing yard pong? I was worried you were going to get mauled when you went to the bathroom.”
I wanted to sling a smart-ass remark back at her, but the best I could manage was a pathetic attempt at a grin as I continued to sulk over what she’d said before.
“Have you ever dated anyone since you moved out of Mom and Dad’s?” she asked, her voice softer now, more contemplative. “You know, like… seriously?”
“You already know the answer to that.”
“Humor me.”
I didn’t know why she needed to hear me say it. Even if it was sparse, I talked to Mia more than anyone else in my life. If anyone was going to know I was in a relationship, it would be her.
“No,” I answered.
“Did you ever want to?”
I swallowed, thinking about the time I booked a flight to L.A. with all the intentions in the world to tell Mia how I felt about her. We were both twenty at the time. I had just finished up my first season in the NHL. She was recording her debut album.
The night before I was supposed to fly, tabloids broke with photos of her and some rock star.
“Not really,” I lied.
“Hockey is the only love of your life, huh?”
I looked from the water to her. “If that’s what you think.”
“I don’t know what to think,” she shot back. “That’s why I’m asking. I… I just wonder if you ever want to settle down. If you want a wife one day… kids…” She shrugged. “Maybe it’s because we’re about to fake it to the whole world tomorrow, but it’s been on my mind.”
“Do you want that?” I asked, deflecting. “Marriage and kids, I mean. I know you mentioned you felt that way when you were with Austin. Do you still feel it now?”
“Yeah,” she said, a soft smile on her lips as her eyes scanned the dark waves. “Yeah, I really do. But it’s different now, you know? After Austin. I don’t want a husband just for the sake of one. I want…” She sighed. “I want the kind of love that consumes me. I want a partner and a friend, someone I can laugh and play and explore with. I want passion, raw and all-encompassing. I don’t want to just get married. I want to be married — committed mind, body, and soul to someone just as mad about me as I am about them.”
My nostrils flared at her admission, throat tight as I traced what little light was reaching the side of her face. My gaze stuck on her beauty mark, on the soft skin of her cheek just below that where I knew her dimple would appear if I made her smile big enough.
I wondered if her daughter would have that same dimple, if her son would have her bright blue eyes.
And then my stomach immediately bottomed out because I knew if she ever did have kids, they’d be with someone I’d never see as good enough for her.
I was pretty sure there wasn’t a man alive I’d classify in that category.
“That’s not fair, by the way,” she said, pointing her finger at me and doing a little wave with it. “You have to answer now.”
“Or what?”
She tapped her chin. “Or… I’ll throw you over this pier and into the shark-infested waters below.”
“Pretty sure there are no sharks down there. And also pretty sure you couldn’t throw me even an inch.”