Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 75289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75289 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 376(@200wpm)___ 301(@250wpm)___ 251(@300wpm)
I ball my hands into fists. I’m not ready for the apology to come now.
“I want you to be happy,” Reg says, and it actually sounds like he means it. “If you’re uh…if you’re with my…umm, with Warrick now, that’s okay.” That’s my cue to study my feet. “I was just being a jerk. I was a jerk to you the whole time we were together. We were basically like roommates for the past six months, with you worrying over the distance and thinking you were the reason I couldn’t emotionally connect. I let you think that. I put it all on you. I made you be the adult in the relationship while I acted like a dumbass brat. You’re so much smarter than me, and you’re beautiful. You’re a great person, and I made you feel small. You deserved so much better than me. I don’t want to be the kind of person my mom is. Even she could be so much more if she just tried…” He stops, pausing so I can say something.
I can’t find the words. I hate that while I’m dying here, floundering, my eyes also fill up with tears.
It means more to me than I thought possible that Reg is finally taking accountability and turning his understanding of what happened into an apology. I’d already moved on. I didn’t need closure. All the same, I feel like I can let go of the last lingering bitterness that I was holding on to.
War clears his throat. “I don’t think it’s too late to change how you see the world or how you treat people. Don’t give up on your mom, Reginald. I want you to promise me that. No matter what she’s done, she’s still your mother. She hurt me, not you. She’s only ever loved you in her own way.”
Reg nods while I’m still doing my best statue impression, though I have to say, War just qualified for sainthood. The worst and best part of that is he means it. It’s right there in his burning, earnest expression.
Reg finally makes a small sound of agreement. “Thanks,” he chokes. “I…I’ll be in touch. I’ll…call you?”
“When you do, I’ll answer,” War replies.
It seems like everything that needs to be said has just been uttered. When War walks Reg to the door, it doesn’t feel like a dismissal. He says goodbye in soft tones and shuts the door.
I didn’t realize War had a mask like most people. His face is always so stoic, but now, he looks different. He doesn’t have to be the hardass, take no prisoners, and toe the line in order to survive and please everyone man right now. He can just be him. Soft, gentle, and unimaginably good. His heart is pure gold, and I’m so sorry the world hasn’t been able to see it. I’m sorry he hasn’t been able to look at the world the same way either because it’s been cruel to him.
All those years, he suffered because of one person’s greed. I don’t know how it’s possible to just ruin someone like that and not think anything of it.
One thing for certain is that neither of us feels like eating, but I put together two sandwiches and toast them to golden brown perfection anyway.
War eats the same way I do. Silently and probably without tasting anything.
He’s halfway finished when he raises his head, and his eyes meet mine. The sheen in them is absolutely heartbreaking.
“All these years. All. These. Years. It’s ridiculous, but sometimes, I found myself believing those lies, and I wondered if I hadn’t done something wrong, something I should atone for. I knew that…that what happened that night wasn’t what she said. That I wasn’t one of those guys who refused to understand, hear, or see. But…”
“It wasn’t your fault, Warrick. You need to hear that. You’ve been living in penance all these years. It absolutely was not your fault. You’re a good man. The best man I’ve ever known.”
I want him to be okay. I want him to believe what I’m saying. I want him to have the good things the world damn well owes him. If karma is real, it needs to get its fucking act together already and come the fuck on.
“I…do you want to…” I let that linger. I’ll do anything he wants to do, including giving him space if that’s what he needs.
“What I want to do right now is work out until I can’t think anymore. I want to fall into bed and sleep without worry crushing me. I just need a night to process this, and in the morning, I want to wake up as a man. My own man. Someone who has his own hopes and dreams, not a man ground to dust under the expectations and dictations of his past and family.” He scrubs his hand over his beard so hard that the hairs stand on end, making it look extra bushy. “I’m sorry. You worked so hard to put all this together. This isn’t the night you imagined.”