Total pages in book: 90
Estimated words: 89535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 358(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 89535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 448(@200wpm)___ 358(@250wpm)___ 298(@300wpm)
“And now?”
I shrug. “Now I just hate that he acts like he has it all figured out when he doesn’t.”
Kole chuckles.
“That’s funny?”
“Like I said, two sides, one coin. You do know why he’s like that, right?”
“Because he thinks he’s better than me?”
Kole full-on laughs now. “Why do you act the way that you do? Why do you act like a dick to your own teammates?”
I don’t want to admit it aloud. Because I don’t want them to see I’m broken and fragile.
“They see you the exact way you see West. He acts strong because he feels he needs to so your family can grieve and move on without falling apart. He’s trying to hold it together for all of you even if he’s broken up inside.”
His words hit me square in the chest, and each time I run his words over in my head, it’s like punch, punch, punch.
I rub my sternum. Kole’s right. I know he is. I’ve probably known it all along, but it’s taken someone else to point it out for me to really see it.
“Shit,” I mutter and stand.
“What?”
“I need to go do something.”
“O … kay?”
I glance at him over my shoulder. “You coming?”
Kole catches up with me, and I loop my arm around his shoulder and hold him close as we head for my house in silence. I can tell he wants to ask me what I’m doing, but I’m scared if I say it out loud, I’ll chicken out.
He pauses where he parked his car on the street. “You need me to go home, or do you want me with you?”
“I want you with me. I’ll be super quick, and then we can hang out in my room with a big sign that says ‘No kids allowed.’”
“Will that work?”
“Nope. Clothes will have to stay on at all times.”
“I think I’ll be able to manage.”
I step forward and kiss the tip of his cold nose. “Thank you.”
“For what?”
“For coming after me when I probably don’t deserve it. The things I said …”
“I know you didn’t mean them. Well, I thought you did at first, but then Dad told me how your parents died, and I put it together.”
“I’m sorry.” I’ve never been more sorry in all my life. And that’s saying something because I’ve fucked up countless times.
“I know that too,” Kole says softly.
“How?”
“Because you’re not this big tough no emotions guy. I’ve known that from the first night I met you and you were freaking out over your missing little brother. You’re not an asshole no matter how much you want people to believe you are.”
I didn’t know I needed to hear that until this moment. Kole sees me. Really sees me.
“I’m here if you need anything,” Kole murmurs.
“I need the courage to do this. Can you give me that?”
“Do what exactly?”
I pull him inside the house, and we make our way to the kitchen where I can hear West rummaging around.
His green eyes meet mine. “Hey, you’re back. I streamed the games. You—wait, why is your face all splotchy?”
I pause and hesitate for a millisecond, but like earlier when I decided it was time to let it all go and bawled like a baby, I do it again. It’s not intentional, and I’d fully intended to get through telling West what needs to be said without them, but one look at him and nope. Only this time, I don’t try to hold the tears back.
I cross the room and throw my arms around my stupid big brother. “I love you. You’re a great brother, and you’re doing a great job.”
West doesn’t react at first, but then he hugs me back, and when I try to pull away, he won’t let me. “What happened? What’s wrong? Are you hurt?”
I shake my head. “Not hurt. Just an idiot.”
“I’ve been trying to tell you that for—”
I slap the back of his head and step away. “Not cool.”
“I don’t understand where this is coming from. I appreciate it, but … yeah, surprised, I guess.”
“There … there was a …” Nope, I can’t say it.
Kole says it for me. “There was a near miss on the way back. The bus had to swerve to avoid a moose.”
“I’ve been an emotional wreck ever since. You’re welcome.” More tears come. “Jesus H. Christ, how much water can your eyes have?”
“You’re okay?” West asks and then turns to Kole. “Is everyone okay?”
“Yeah. No one was hurt,” Kole says.
“It gave me some perspective. Well, the near accident made me freak out, and then Kole gave me perspective. That, maybe, possibly, bottling everything up is not healthy? Because when you do that, you end up like this.” I wave my hand over my face. “And he pointed out how much you and I are alike, and well, I thought you might need to hear that you’re not alone and you aren’t screwing it all up.”