Total pages in book: 155
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 145634 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 728(@200wpm)___ 583(@250wpm)___ 485(@300wpm)
“Is he gonna be there?” He asked, his voice hard.
“You know he is, Derek,” I answer him. My finger brushes along the cold side of the glass as I wait for him to respond.
He clenches his jaw and looks outside of the window to his right. “She was ready,” I dare to speak and try to convince him. “You told me yourself, you didn’t realize it until after everything happened, but she was telling you goodbye.” It’s hard to get out the words, but it breaks my heart to see him and Tony ruined over this. I know in my heart that Tony was only trying to give Derek’s mom peace.
Derek’s silent. I know he wants to get over this. I know he misses his friend. But right now all he has is sadness and anger. It’s something that’s just going to take time.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask him. He looks down at his phone and back up to me. There’s a look on his face that lets me know he knows I was snooping. I’m fine with that though. I would’ve told him anyway. I can’t keep any secrets from him.
He's quiet for a minute before taking a deep breath. “I don't know,” he admits.
“I’m here for you. No matter what,” I tell him as I grab his hand.
“I don't deserve you,” he says quietly.
“Yes. You. Do.” I emphasize each word.
He doesn't answer me. I don't want him to continue going down this dark path.
Derek cups my face, and looks me in the eye. “I love you, Emma.” My heart swells in my chest. I already knew he did. But hearing him say it and knowing he’s admitted it to himself makes all the difference.
“I love you too, Derek.”
EPILOGUE
Derek
Nine months later
I stare at the thin cardboard box on the kitchen counter. Inside is a beautiful cake. It's pink with a fondant bow. It’s for Sandra. Technically, it's for a little girl, Emma’s soon-to-be niece.
They’re coming over today, and I’m preparing myself. Every time they come over it gets easier and easier to fall back into the solid friendship I had with Tony before. But there’s still a part of me that hates him.
I fucking loved him. He was my brother in every way that mattered. I’m trying to come to terms with everything still.
I know Ma was ready. I know she wanted it. In some ways, I know it was best. But I’d be lying if I said I fully forgive him. Not yet at least. But when we’re together, it’s getting easier to forget.
“Derek.” I hear Emma’s soft voice as her small hand touches my arm.
I take in a long breath to calm myself and forget the past before pulling her into my arms. She lets me hold her. It’s all I need sometimes. Especially on the hard days.
She pulls away from me and looks into my eyes. “You gonna be alright?” she asks me.
“Yeah, I’ll get through it,” I tell her honestly. I’m ready to be a happy fucking family. I’m trying at least. Emma needs this. And for her, I would do anything.
Emma told me they’re naming her after Ma. It makes me…emotional. In a good way. In the best of ways, I guess. I hope Emma and I have a baby girl one day. I know I won’t be able to name her after Ma. So knowing that Tony is going to use her name makes me happy. It makes me really happy, honestly. I haven’t told him that yet though.
And they’re naming me godfather. Tony seems to think that one day, things will be back to the way they were. He said we’re family, and we’ll always be family. The last time I saw him, it was almost like normal. It’s fucked up in some ways. I feel like I should never forget. As if I should never forgive him. But deep down I know she was ready to go, and at least he had the balls to do what was right and help her go peacefully. I was the selfish one. I know that now.
I know it’s true, but some days I don’t want it to be true. I want him to take it back. I want my Ma to be here. But in reality she would have passed by now. The only difference is that she would have suffered more.
“It’s gonna be alright,” Emma says softly.
She pats my chest, and the sparkle from her engagement ring catches my eye. No matter what, he’s gonna be in my life, and a part of my family. Tony’s knocked up her sister, and I’m marrying Emma. So there’s no way of getting around it. I had the inside of her band engraved to read, Smile today without fear of tomorrow. Just like Ma always said. They're words I want us to try and live by from now on.