Total pages in book: 121
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 115308 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 577(@200wpm)___ 461(@250wpm)___ 384(@300wpm)
I didn’t feel worthy enough to sacrifice that for.
In fact, I felt … small and unclean, just like I used to when I was young and everyone whispered behind my back about how I was the kid of a junkie. About how my mum would have sex with anyone who could get her a hit. There were even rumors that she sold me out for sex, so boys at school used to proposition me, say disgusting things I didn’t even understand until I was older. I hadn’t yet told Baird that part.
Everything I’d worked so hard to forget, to leave behind, had been wiped away in the space of a few minutes.
But this time it wasn’t because I was the child of an addict. It was because I was the child of a woman who put me through that, made me feel guilty for not being able to deal with an addiction that was beyond her control, and then when she got clean … she still sold me out. She sold lies and sob stories about her own flesh and blood, and for what? A payday?
All these years I’d blamed heroin for taking my mum from me.
But she’d been clean for years and not only had she not sought me out, she had betrayed me. She used me.
And Baird. Now he was tarnished by association.
That’s what Fred Burbank thought. Maybe even his teammates. The public definitely thought that.
That night, I barely slept, tossing and turning between crying jags. Wishing she still didn’t have the power to hurt me this much. Crying for Bear. Missing him. Missing his big arms around me, making me feel safe and loved … and worthy.
It took everything I had to call in sick to work, grateful it was Eli I spoke to and not my boss. They tried to talk to me, reassure me, but I cut them off, hanging up rudely. Hopefully they understood.
My heart leapt into my throat at the loud pounding on my door at 9:00 a.m. Part of me hoped it was Baird and the other part knew I’d crumble to pieces if it was.
It wasn’t him.
Beth, Lily, and January stood on the other side of my door.
“What are you doing here?”
“You weren’t answering your phone.” Beth pushed in, throwing her arms around me in a tight hug.
That was all it took for me to burst into tears.
A wee while later, we sat in my living room. I’d finally stopped crying, and Lily had made me a hot cup of tea. Beth sat by my side, her arm still around me, while the girls waited patiently for me to talk.
Even January was uncharacteristically serious. Not so uncharacteristically, she was beyond pissed off with my mum.
Feeling terrible that I’d worried them so much that they’d ditched their work and school to come check on me, I turned my phone back on.
“Just don’t look at social media,” Lily advised. “At the end of the day, strangers’ opinions about you are not your business.”
I knew her words were wise, and I really tried to let them sink in. Yet, Baird’s boss wasn’t a stranger and, unfortunately, his opinion was my business. My boss was not a stranger, and it mattered to me what Pennington’s thought about all of this. I was terrified to find out.
Thankfully, I’d turned off my social media notifications weeks ago because of the campaign. I did have texts and missed calls. So many from Baird, I started to cry silently. Then my heart lurched in my throat at a text from an unknown number.
Three years we were together, and you didn’t tell me about your mum. No wonder. Not so superior now, My? Guess I made the right choice.
I sucked in a breath at the callous text, and Beth peered at my screen.
“Is that from Will?” Her tone was low with fury.
Nodding, I blocked his number.
“What is it?”
Beth relayed what the text had said, and the room went chilly with their anger.
Jan seethed. “I’m definitely breaking into his flat and leaving a dead fish in his closet.”
“I still have a spare key.”
Her eyes sparkled. “Nice.”
“I can’t believe I was going to marry that prick.”
“You never would have.” Beth rubbed my shoulder. “My, you didn’t tell him about your mum because deep down you must have known that would be his arsehole response.”
“Did … did you tell Baird?” Lily asked tentatively.
My lips trembled and the sob escaped as I nodded.
“And I bet he was lovely about it,” Beth guessed.
All I could do was nod again, my chest aching so badly, it felt like it might actually be in the midst of cracking.
“Oh, My.” She pressed her forehead to my temple. “Did something happen with Baird?”
Through fits and starts and sobs and whispers, I told them what happened with the call from his gaffer and me immediately shutting him out.