Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 76436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Then a knock on my door. “Dr. Lansing?”
“One second.” I look at the first words.
Jason, I’m sorry, but I can’t carry this weight any longer.
I feel a sting in my gut. But there’s another feeling, one I can’t quite place. Is it…wariness?
Another knock on my door, louder this time. “Dr. Lansing! Please open the door.”
“Be there in a minute,” I say.
Probably some student trying to get extra office hours, despite the fact that mine are by appointment only. I return to the note.
Losing her shattered me in ways I can’t put into words. I’ve tried to be strong—for you, for us—but the pain is relentless, and I can’t see a way forward.
* * *
Please know this isn’t your fault. You gave me everything, but I’ve lost myself in the void she left behind. I hope you find peace someday, even if I couldn’t.
I squint at the note. Something is wrong here. Lindsay did blame me. She could never say it out loud, but I could tell every moment of the rest of her short life that she harbored resentment toward me for the death of our daughter.
I’ll love you forever. See you on the other side, babe.
* * *
Lindsay
Three more sharp knocks. “Open the door now, Dr. Lansing.”
I whip my head back to the door. “Christ! I’ll be there in a second. I’m…changing.”
“You have thirty seconds, or I’ll knock the door down.”
Knock the door down? Definitely not a student, then. Maybe it’s Peter. He probably heard about how my meeting with Dr. Steel went, and he’s concerned I’ve gone off the deep end.
“I’m fine. I’ll be out in a sec.”
I look back at the letter, read over it again. Once, twice, three times.
And an anvil drops in my gut as I realize…
This isn’t my wife’s handwriting.
Chapter Forty-One
Angie
It’s been an hour since Jason came to my house, and I’ve been sitting on the floor on the other side of my front door, thinking about what to do. I should get to campus, but I can’t get myself to move.
He wants me to go away with him. To Switzerland. For God knows how long. Long enough for me to have to take a semester off school.
Aunt Melanie will disapprove, that’s for sure.
My whole family will.
But Jason’s right about one thing. I can come back. It’s not like I’m moving to Switzerland.
But…we haven’t even been on a date. All we’ve done is sleep together.
I laugh at that. There was no sleeping involved. And we’ve only done it in a bed once.
I rub at my forehead. Tillie scampers up to me and gives me a kiss on the cheek.
“Thanks, girl,” I say to her.
I can’t take Tillie overseas, either. I’d have to drive her out to the Western Slope, leave her with my family. I just adopted her. It would break my heart to leave her so soon.
But then there’s Jason.
The chemistry we share is undeniable. I’ve heard my own mom and dad talk about how they fell in love. My aunts, my uncles, my cousins, too. The Steels in particular tend to fall hard and fall fast.
Is that what’s happened to me?
Am I actually in love with Jason?
I can’t stop thinking about him. About the time we’ve shared together. About our first kiss in the anatomy lab, how he ravaged me in my own kitchen. And then back at school, with the cadavers silently watching.
And maybe I’m the only person who can support him in this endeavor. This surgery that means so much to him. A chance for him to return to his old life.
It’s only a few months. Brianna would not stop blabbering about how beautiful the UK was when she went with Jesse’s band.
I’ve never even left the continental U.S. The Steels aren’t typically big travelers, despite our wealth.
And away from the university, away from the judging eyes of our colleagues and peers, Jason and I could actually try being a couple.
In that moment, I know what my decision is.
I’m going to do it. I’m going to throw caution to the wind and see if this thing with Jason has any legs.
I run over to his house, pound on his door. “Jason. Jason!”
No answer.
His car isn’t in the driveway. He must have gone somewhere. Probably to campus.
I call his cell. It rings a few times and then goes straight to his voicemail.
Weird. After asking me to go to Switzerland with him, I would think he’d pick up pretty quickly to learn my answer.
Maybe he left his phone in his car or something.
I’ll drive over to the university. I have a class in an hour anyway, and I want to tell Jason in person that I’m going to go to Switzerland with him.
I dash back to my house, let Tillie out for a quick potty break, and then get in my car.
Once I’ve parked, I walk up to the building.