Total pages in book: 76
Estimated words: 76436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76436 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
I widen my eyes. “Every single one?”
“Yes. As a psychiatrist, I get the privilege of spending more than just a few minutes with my patients. A surgeon will meet a patient once, study his scans, do the surgery and a follow-up, and then it’s over in most cases. But as psychiatrists, we have the opportunity to go on a journey with our patients. We witness their lowest points, their times of triumph, their tears and their smiles. That’s what makes it rewarding.”
“And that’s what makes it hard too, I suppose,” I say.
She nods, taking another sip of her martini. “There is no reward without risk. Psychiatry is not a field for those who want an easy way out. You’ll see things that will break your heart. You’ll have patients that, despite your best efforts, do not get better.”
“Did you ever feel… I mean…did it ever get too heavy? The emotional burden?”
Aunt Mel sighs. “There were days when I felt the weight of the world on my shoulders. Seeing so much pain and suffering. Feeling like I had failed when a patient didn’t improve. It can be very heavy.”
I bite on my lip.
“But it’s not all darkness,” she adds quickly. “There are moments of light too. When you see a patient who was once on the edge of giving up standing tall and smiling again. When you witness the strength of the human spirit in its rawest form. Those are the moments that make it all worth it.”
“I always wondered,” I begin, playing with the stem of my wineglass. “How do you separate your work from your personal life? How do you manage to switch it off at the end of the day?”
She chuckles lightly. “Oh, Angie, if only there was a switch! The truth is that you don’t really switch off. Especially not in the beginning. The stories of your patients—their pain and their struggles—tend to follow you home. They sneak into your dreams, cloud your thoughts. But it’s part of the process.”
I raise an eyebrow. “The process?”
She nods. “The process of understanding that you’re not just a witness to your patients’ lives but an active participant. You can effect change, but you can’t control everything. Some things are beyond our reach.”
“So how do you handle that? How do you deal with knowing that there are things you just can’t fix?”
Aunt Mel pauses, swirling the tiny bit of liquid left in her martini glass. “You learn to accept it,” she says finally. “Acceptance is a big part of being a psychiatrist. Accepting that not every story has a happy ending, accepting that some wounds run deeper than others and might take longer to heal, accepting that sometimes all you can do is be there for someone, even when it feels like you’re not doing enough.” She finishes her drink and gazes out the window a moment. “In a way, it’s like learning to dance in the rain. You can’t stop the storm, so you learn to move with it, to find your rhythm amid the chaos.”
Find your rhythm among the chaos.
The words settle inside me.
And for some reason, they remind me of Jason.
Chapter Thirty
Jason
This is so fucked up.
It’s Saturday, and the hospital has convened a special board meeting to deal with me. With my surgery. Because they don’t think I’m mentally fit to handle it.
What a fucking crock.
I dress in a pair of navy slacks and a crisp white shirt. No tie, because ties make me want to strangle someone. Kind of fitting for today’s proceeding.
The boardroom is on the sixth floor, as far removed from life-and-death situations as possible. It’s all pristine glass and sleek chrome adorned with uninteresting paintings that look like giant blurs of something no one wants to see. Abstracts. Modern art. It’s all crap. The hospital probably paid some pompous artist millions for them—money that could have gone toward saving lives.
I wish I were anywhere but here.
But if I want my surgery, I’m going to have to prove to these self-important asses that I’m mentally and emotionally capable of handling it.
Why wouldn’t I be?
Only my entire life was stolen from me three years ago.
And these people want to steal my only opportunity for getting part of it back.
I recognize the chief of surgery, Dr. Peter Bailey, and the CEO and president of the hospital, Dr. Roger Stanich. I recognize the faces of the two other board members present, but I can’t recall their names. I guess they didn’t need to convene the entire board for this.
It’s only my life, after all.
Also seated at the table are my doctors, Louisa Matthews and Gita Patel, alongside my former psychiatrist, Dr. Vanessa Morgan.
Why the hell is she here? She’s responsible for my wife’s death.
One more woman is seated next to Dr. Morgan, and she looks slightly familiar to me. She’s older, with graying blond hair, a slightly wrinkled but still beautiful face, and striking green eyes even brighter than my own.