Total pages in book: 166
Estimated words: 160042 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 800(@200wpm)___ 640(@250wpm)___ 533(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 160042 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 800(@200wpm)___ 640(@250wpm)___ 533(@300wpm)
He swallows again, but I know his emotions don’t go down as easily. I know that sheen in his eyes is tears because I’m already crying. “I was too late. They got to Annie before I could get her to a safe place and they… They killed her. They killed my baby girl. The ‘R’ on my back. It’s for her. For Rosie. She was… There was no way to bury her. She wasn’t… So I burned her name on my shoulder and made my body her tombstone. Couldn’t keep her safe out in the world so I was gonna do it, keepin’ her inside of me.”
Even though it’s hard and I’m too weak, I still reach up and wipe my tears so I can see him clearly. Because I won’t let him be alone in this. In his pain, his misery, his grief. If his body is a tombstone for his baby girl, I want to see it, its tight lines and rigid muscles. I don’t want to let him shoulder that burden alone.
Once again he takes a big breath, as if letting it all pass through him, burying her inside and keeping her safe like he wants. “So now you know. The whole truth. And it is that it was me. I ruined her life. Annie’s. She might’ve started working for the Turners but it didn’t end that way, because she fell for me. For a man who didn’t love her, who didn’t even know what love was. All I wanted was to have fun. I didn’t even protect her from an accidental pregnancy. How much of a fuckup does a man have to be to do that? And then I lied to her. Told her we’d be together, that I’d keep her safe but I didn’t. She’s dead because of me, because she wouldn’t betray me. If hadn’t strung her along, maybe Hank Turner woulda found another way to get our land. Maybe he woulda spared her, let her go. But I didn’t and so he didn’t. And she died because of it. Her and my…”
He doesn’t have the strength to say it, his baby girl’s name, so he moves on, his jaw hard as granite. “So, see, I am like your father. He killed your mother and I killed the mother of my child. I killed my… I killed my baby girl too. And no amount of penance is ever gonna be enough for that. No brand, no jail time. I don’t get a clean slate or a fresh start. I don’t get to live. Because she didn’t. It doesn’t matter if I ruin my life or somethin’ inside me goes dead because I deserve that. I deserve to die. To perish. To burn in this pain for eternity. But you don’t.”
A change comes over him at this. So far, he’s been a man drowning in grief, but now, he’s flooded with purpose. “You don’t deserve this. You don’t deserve to be in love with a man who’s lied and broken promises, who’s destroyed lives. I’m a Grayson. My family is forged in fire and blood. Once upon a time, I thought I was different. Thought I could break free but not anymore. This is my life. This is my destiny. I want this to be my destiny. Blood, war, pain. I want to die, do you understand? And you’re too… pure for all that. You’re too alive to be in love with a dying man like me.”
I nod, my eyes stinging, tears wet on my cheeks. “When I was young and my mom would… use me to protect herself from my daddy, I’d think about my future. I’d think about how I’d never let it happen to my daughter. How I’d die for her, so I understand. I don’t think I could ever imagine your pain, but on some level, I understand it. I applaud it because Lord knows, not every parent is like that. And it’s a noble cause, dying for someone you love. There’s already too much death and destruction in this world, too much hatred, so why not make it about love. But then… What about living? What about living for someone you love? And it’s hard, isn’t it, living. Sometimes so much harder than being dead. So how about instead of dying, you live for her? For Rose. She’s inside of you, isn’t she. You made her. You made your body her tombstone. So how about instead of killing yourself for her, you give her another life. You give her your life. You do all the things she didn’t get to do. You live and breathe and dream and be… free.”
His eyes are widened and his mouth is open. Not a lot, but since he hardly ever shows any reaction, it’s big. That and the fact I can read him. I can see this has never occurred to him. To live for his baby girl. To give her a life because he has the power to. And for a second, my heart starts to beat with hope. I can feel life rushing through my tired limbs. Because maybe… Maybe this will make him stop. This will make him give up his quest and…