Total pages in book: 87
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 83394 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 417(@200wpm)___ 334(@250wpm)___ 278(@300wpm)
“Friends.”
For the first time since I was in bed with him that last night, I knew peace.
CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
Joey
I still wasn’t sure how I felt about what happened between Gage and me the other day. Hell, if it wasn’t for Angie and Kevin having seen him, I wouldn’t believe it was even true. It felt…impossible, like this blur of a dream, not reality.
How many times over the years had I wished Gage would come back? Especially in the beginning. Now he had, and I hadn’t reacted the way I thought I would. I was confused and scared and…I wanted him. God, how much I still wanted him. That wasn’t an entirely comfortable thought.
Gage had saved me in so many ways. He had loved me when I hadn’t felt loveable—when I felt unlovable. He’d been my closest friend, my biggest supporter.
I’d always known there wasn’t anything he wouldn’t do for me.
He broke my heart in ways no one else could either, in ways I still wasn’t able to get over and maybe never would.
According to what he’d said, he’d broken himself as well. Gage had protected his heart because he couldn’t handle seeing me, knowing I was his, but not being able to have me at the same time.
I didn’t know what to do with that, with any of it, so I did nothing. We’d exchanged phone numbers, which felt really weird. None of this made sense. Gage and I were exchanging phone numbers like we hadn’t spent the better part of the first eighteen years of our lives being each other’s lifeline.
It was Wednesday now, and I hadn’t been to the gym since I’d seen him. We were supposed to be friends, but I was scared out of my mind of seeing him, of trying to find our way back to each other.
I was still angry with him. I was still angry with myself. It was like we’d been cut open that day and were still raw and infected, gaping flesh wounds that wouldn’t heal.
But he was here. Gage was here, and in some ways, that was all that mattered. Maybe it would always be all that mattered.
“Wha’chu thinking about?” Angel asked, making me realize I was standing there staring into the engine of a car and not doing a thing.
“Sorry. Just got a lot on my mind.”
“No worries, man. No reason to apologize. I’m always here to talk. Maria says I need to work on opening up.”
We both chuckled at that, but I thought Angel was pretty good at it already. He was a good guy, and I knew I could trust him. It was me who was afraid, not him who would betray me.
“Thanks. I’m good.”
“Are you? You look…fuck, you look a little tore up, bro. Tired and shit.”
I laughed again. He wasn’t wrong, and it felt good to laugh. “You could say I’m all of the above. I…” My hand found its way through my hair because it was a way to stall. Say something. You can say something. “I, um…have an old friend. We have a lot of history, and it’s been years since we saw each other. They just made their way back into my life, and I’m not sure how to deal with it.”
There. See? I’d done it. Talked to someone other than Angie or Kevin or Gage. That hadn’t been so hard, had it?
Angel looked around as if making sure none of the other crew was there before asking, “Old boyfriend?”
My heart dropped.
He added, “It’s okay. I don’t give a shit about stuff like that. We are who we are. That’s what my mom says.”
“Yeah,” I found myself replying. “Only person I’ve ever loved.”
Angel nodded like he got it, and then we both stood there like a couple of idiots, neither of us knowing what to say. Seemed we’d hit our emotional quota, so I said, “Now leave me the hell alone so I can work.” I definitely wasn’t going into any more detail with him.
Angel held his hands up in surrender. “I hear ya. I wasn’t sure how to respond anyway. At least I can tell Maria to stop trying to hook you up with girlfriends now, unless…you don’t swing both ways, do you?” His voice was soft, for only us, and I appreciated him for it. I wasn’t ashamed, but it was mine to share with whom I wanted, when I wanted.
“Can’t say I do.”
He laughed just as his phone rang. He pulled it out of his pocket, saying, “You ever wanna bring this friend around, you can. Maria would love it.”
Before I could reply, he tapped on his cell, answered and walked away, just the way I needed him to do. It was then that I realized, even though I didn’t let myself hang out with him outside of work or get too close, somehow along the way, Angel had become a good friend, no matter how much I denied it.