Total pages in book: 85
Estimated words: 79263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 79263 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 396(@200wpm)___ 317(@250wpm)___ 264(@300wpm)
“I’m not asking you to stop caring, I’m asking you to stop using my life to fix your guilt complex.” We have so much history that most siblings never need to go through, and I know her concerns come from a good place, but sometimes I just can’t deal with the weight they put on me. “I think maybe neither of us are in a good place for this conversation right now.”
There, that’s mature, right?
For a moment her expression softens, but only for a moment. "Then when will we have it? I love you, Sandra, but I know you. School is just hard for now. Maybe you can transfer to somewhere closer, but you’ll regret it if you quit, and it’s such a waste of the opportunity they gave you.”
The opportunity. Another privileged weight around my neck. When the Screaming Eagles took down the MC that went after me and Natalie, the club made a lot of money off everything they confiscated. Quickshot, Badass and Animal donated their cut of the profits to help us get back on our feet afterwards, along with a generous bonus from the Eagles that helped Nat start her bakery and create my college fund.
And I’m so grateful for it. I haven’t spent a dollar from that account that wasn’t used for tuition, books or supplies. But isn’t it more of a waste to spend what’s left on a degree I don’t want? “I haven’t dropped out. I’m just on a leave of absence.”
“Good, see? That’s exactly why you shouldn’t get messed up in a relationship right now. And I know you know it or you would’ve gone to the Roost instead of sneaking off somewhere you thought I wouldn’t find out.”
"What? The reason we were at that bar is because I knew you'd overreact and I wanted one fun night out. Have you ever considered that if you hadn’t pushed so hard when I was younger, that I might have stuck around? That I wouldn’t’ve been desperate to get away?”
She looks like I slapped her.
“See? This is why I said we should talk about it later.”
"I just don't want to lose you again. You were doing so well, and now it’s just like last time." She gestures to me.
We’ve had this conversation enough that I know what she’s not saying. You look like you did back then. A verbal slap from me, an emotional punch from her. It might be less painful to put on boxing gloves and get in the ring together like Beast and Piston.
“A few purple highlights aren’t going to send me into a spiral, Nat. I need to be myself and figure out what I want. If that means going out and having fun with guys once in a while, then at least it’s guys you can keep an eye on, right? Like you said, if things go wrong you’ll probably hear the gossip before I’m even home.”
“That doesn’t mean I’m happy about it.”
“You don’t have to be! You just have to trust me for once. Is it really that hard?”
She doesn’t answer, which is answer enough.
“Perfect. I’m going out, unless you want to try and ground me for old time’s sake?” I spin on my heel and head towards my room to change. “It might take me a while to find something decent in my price range, but I’ll start looking for apartments tomorrow.”
“Sandra, wait.”
I stop, but don’t turn around.
"You don’t have to go," Natalie’s voice is barely above a whisper.
She loves me, and I know she wants what's best for me, but this isn’t healthy. Am I going to feel guilty forever? Probably, but I can't let it rule my life. “I know, but maybe it’s for the best.”
I pull my phone out of my pocket, and after a moment's consideration, I message the group chat.
Me: You guys busy?
The reply is almost immediate.
Piston: What do you need, beautiful?
Me: Pick me up?
Beast: Any plan in mind?
Me: I just need to get out. Distract me for a bit?
Zero: Be there in ten.
I meet them outside, and they take me back to the club. It’s a short ride, barely enough time to really enjoy the feeling of sitting behind Beast with my arms around his broad chest, the one I’ve seen bare multiple times now.
Their clubhouse is the central point of a whole walled-in complex. It’s visible over the top of the walls from a long ways away. On the front, at least a story tall, is the Screaming Eagles logo, lit up by floodlights so even at night it’s impossible not to know whose territory you’re in. Guards wave us through the gates when they see who’s coming.
I’ve been to their bar, the Eagles’ Roost, a few times, both before going away to school and once since I’ve been back, but it’s been a long time since I’ve been inside the walls. There’s a courtyard right inside the gate, with the clubhouse straight ahead, and a hangar sized garage to the right with doors wide open to let air through on hot summer days. Music spills out from inside where I can see bikers hanging out and working on their motorcycles. There’s a single black van up on lifts that someone is working on from below.