Total pages in book: 88
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84114 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 421(@200wpm)___ 336(@250wpm)___ 280(@300wpm)
“I don’t think that’s what Gray was thinking,” Lucky muses.
“Yeah, me neither. Which means, Maddie would have to relocate to Pittsburgh. I don’t even know if that’s possible or if she’d agree to it. Hell, I really don’t want her to. We clash and we’re not nice to each other and it would just be volatile. I almost feel like I could handle Grayce, but Maddie… that seems too complicated.”
Lucky shrugs. “Listen, I’m sure she resents the situation, same as you. Can’t blame her for being raw right now, just as you are. But surely you two can put aside your differences for Grayce’s benefit, right?”
I grunt, unconvinced. That’s a big ask.
Lucky’s eyes soften. “Look, man, there’s no easy call. But here’s what I know—you don’t quit on your team, and I’m sure that means you’d never quit on Gray.”
His words land like a check I didn’t see coming, hard and clean. It’s crystal clear. I never really had a choice at all.
I stare down at the table, Gray’s handwriting flashing in my mind. I want you to be her dad.
The waitress comes by, asks if we’re ready to order. No brainer to order steaks in a steakhouse and we both refresh our bourbons.
“Okay, I think it’s the right thing to honor Gray’s wishes, but practically… what does that mean? I bring Maddie and Grayce to Pittsburgh? Do they both move in with me?”
“I don’t know, man. You and Maddie are going to have to figure that out.”
“And what about hockey? We’re getting ready to go into the playoffs. It’s a high-stress time, we’re traveling, and all of a sudden, I’m a dad? How do I even do that?”
“Well, you’d have Maddie to help with Grayce. It’s not like you’d be a single dad. And you know that the Titans are a family and everyone would step in to support you. I’m guessing your wild partying days would be over, but past that… I think this could be a good change to your life. Like you said, you’d keep a piece of Gray close to you.”
My chest squeezes, because no matter all the pros and cons, I have to admit, the part that appeals to me the most is exactly that: Grayce is part of Gray, and I could keep his spirit alive not just for her but for me too.
Still, I can’t help but ask for the reassurance. “What should I do?”
Lucky bursts out laughing and shakes his head. “No way, dude. I’m not going to tell you what to do.”
I roll my eyes. “Fine. Tell me what you’d do if this happened to you.”
Lucky sobers, his eyes softening. “I’d do what I felt was right in my gut. I’d put aside all my fears and follow my instincts because I think I have a decent moral compass.” He leans forward and looks me directly in the eye. “And I think you have one too.”
Not a clear-cut answer, but I’m picking up what he’s putting down. More importantly, he’s narrowed in on what’s making this so difficult.
I’m fucking scared out of my wits and that’s clouding my judgment. The question is, can I put that aside to give myself the clarity to ensure I’m doing not only what’s right for me, but more importantly, what’s right for Grayce?
It’s going to require me to be the bravest version of myself.
CHAPTER 6
Maddie
Sesame chicken, soy and garlic permeate the condo as I stir the sauce with more force than necessary. I don’t know why I volunteered to cook dinner for Atlas. He’s the last person I’d want to cater to, yet here I am.
He breezed out of town yesterday and came back this morning. I know this because I got a short text from him: Have time to meet early evening?
And so now I’m about to learn his decision on whether he’ll honor Gray’s last wishes.
While he was off figuring things out, I did nothing but think about the same dilemma. I’m just as shocked by Gray’s request and it wasn’t until last night as I was lying in bed, that the full repercussions were starting to become apparent.
If Atlas and I co-parent Grayce, that means our lives will be entwined forever. This is bothersome because I don’t know the man at all, and what little I have gleaned from our short interactions over the years, I don’t like him much. I’ve tried to reflect on why that is, and nothing solid comes to mind. Gray once told me when I was complaining about Atlas that I was jealous of him, and I was offended.
As if.
Regardless, the conclusion I came to last night was that I truly hope Atlas declines Gray’s request. I’m going to let him out of it graciously too. I’ll make him feel good about the decision, and it will be the right decision. He didn’t ask for fatherhood, whereas I gladly accepted the role of mom. It’s not fair to him and I’m prepared to ease his guilt. I guess that’s why I texted back to him, Sure. Come at 6 and we’ll talk over dinner.