Total pages in book: 48
Estimated words: 44622 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 223(@200wpm)___ 178(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 44622 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 223(@200wpm)___ 178(@250wpm)___ 149(@300wpm)
"I do. You still have feelings for him," Lucy says, looping her arm through mine to drag me to the couch.
I don't argue because it's not like she's wrong. Isn't that the problem? No matter how much time passes or what else life throws my way, I can't seem to forget him. I can't get past him. I'm just…stuck. And now he wants to waltz back in, claiming he still wakes up saying my name?
Hell no.
"What happened, Paisley?" Lucy asks, settling beside me.
"He was being a hot, annoying jerk. He asked who I was going to meet and basically accused me of fuc…" My gaze darts toward the hall, checking to make sure Lyra isn't within hearing distance. She repeats everything. "Sleeping with one of his cousins or one of the farmhands. So I told him that he doesn't get a say in who I fu…sleep with because he's the one who lied to me and then fled the country. He acted like that didn't happen." I huff, glaring down at the arm of the sofa. "So I maybe said some things and then stormed off."
"What kind of things?"
"I'm going to go get Lexi up and help make sure Lyra is getting dressed." Oliver drops a kiss on Lucy's head before ducking out of the room to give us a little privacy.
"What kind of things?" Lucy asks as soon as he's out of earshot.
"I told him that I fell in love with him back then," I admit, wrapping my arms around myself. "And then I told him to go to hell and booked it here before I said anything else I'd regret."
"Oh, Paisley." Lucy slides her arm around my waist in a one-armed hug. "Can I say something you probably don't want to hear?"
"Definitely not."
She smiles, her blue eyes full of empathy. "I'm going to say it anyway."
I groan because I already knew she would. Lucy is Lucy. She interferes because her heart is as big as her body. It's part of why I love her so much. She's never met a stranger in her life, and she sees the best in everyone.
"I know you think he used you back then, but I know him, Paisley, and that isn't Ridley. Whatever was between the two of you was real for both of you."
"Yeah, so real he fled the country," I snort. Worse, he stayed gone. For most of the last three years, while my life fell apart and I picked up the pieces, he was in Italy. It's hard to believe that a man as fearless as him would hide away for three damn years because he was afraid of us. No. The truth is simpler and far sadder, at least for me. Staying in Italy was always his plan. Losing his V-Card was just an item on his bucket list before he went back, and I'm the unlucky one he chose to help him mark it off the list.
"He didn't."
"I was there, Luce," I say sadly. "He did."
"Oliver says he didn't." She hesitates and then huffs out a breath. "I'll probably get in trouble for this because I promised I wouldn't get involved, but…that's not what happened."
"Yeah, it is. I was there."
She shakes her head, her expression adamant. "It isn't," she says softly. "Oliver says he didn't leave the country until later."
"Then where did he go? He wasn't here."
Lucy shrugs. "I don't know. I don't think Oliver knows either. Ridley wouldn't tell him. I just know that he didn't leave for Italy until two days after the wedding."
I turn that over in my mind, trying to figure out where to fit it. Hope threatens to swell in my chest, but I quickly tamp it down. Even if he didn't leave the country that morning, I still woke up alone in his bed with no explanation or answers. He never came looking for me. He never tried talking to me. He just…ghosted me.
Honestly, it hurts a little more knowing he didn't leave. At least with him in Italy, there was a reason he couldn't come after me. But knowing he was here when I drove home? Knowing that I spent half the night crying on my brother's shoulder, hoping he'd show up and tell me that he couldn't get on the plane while he was just a few hours away the whole time? Well, there is no spinning that into something other than what it is.
He chose…and it wasn't me.
I guess maybe he isn't done breaking my heart, after all. Because I think another piece of it just cracked.
"It doesn't matter," I mutter to Lucy, wiping my face with all the determination I can muster. "He made his choice. I wasn't it."
"Paisley." Her face falls.
"We're done talking about him, Luce," I say firmly. "I'm done thinking about him. I came to spend time with you and my goddaughter. Ridley can go fly a kite in a freaking lightning storm."