Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
I bit my lower lip to control my grin, but it still wasn’t enough to get him to smile.
What we did over Thanksgiving—I want to do it again.
I felt an unavoidable blush, but he still remained straight-faced except his lips parted and he wet them.
Without clothes.
I didn’t care that everyone could see my red cheeks or that I needed to unbutton my jacket because just writing those words made me hot.
Ben narrowed his eyes a fraction and glanced over my shoulder returning a slight headshake.
I tried to hide my disappointment.
Did you not like it?
Again, he shrugged. I hated his stupid shrugs and dismissively quick glances.
Did he know how much I was putting myself out there for him? Exposing all my insecurities.
I have to use the restroom.
I scooted back in my chair, hiked my purse over my shoulder, and escaped before he could see my tears. After taking a few minutes in the stall to gain my composure, I washed my hands, and returned to the food court. But there was another couple at our table.
No Ben.
No bags.
I looked in both directions, but he was nowhere in sight. I headed in one direction until I reached the far end of the mall, then I walked in the other direction, scanning everywhere to find him. Panic gripped me. He couldn’t hear. Why did he leave me? Where did he go? How would he communicate with people if he needed to? I couldn’t even go to the information desk to see if they would announce his name because he couldn’t hear it.
People stared at me as I aimlessly darted in every direction wiping my tears. I had to call my mom or his mom. He was just gone.
As I waited in line for a payphone, wiping my tears, I looked out the glass entrance doors and there he was, leaned against the building with one leg propped up, the bags on the ground beside him, and his gaze pointed toward the parking lot.
“Why did you leave?” I yelled, on my way to him.
Ben startled when I grabbed his jacket and shook him. He narrowed his eyes.
“I was so scared. Why did you leave?”
He slowly shook his head, and I fumbled with my jacket to dig the pen and paper from my pocket.
Why did you leave? I was so scared!
He read my words then his gaze swept along my face before he wiped my tears.
“Sorry. A couple asked if they could have the table, so I figured you’d assume I was meeting you outside.”
“Well, I didn’t—” I sighed, stopping myself and writing it down.
Why would I assume that? Why not wait in the food court? I had no idea where you were!!!
Ben chuckled. I’d been trying all day to get him to smile, and my anguish is the thing that brought him joy?
I wiped my face with the back of my hands, grabbed all the bags, and stomped toward the parking lot, not giving a single glance behind me. If a car hit him, that was too bad. He caught up with me and tried to take the bags. I jerked away from him.
“Gabby?”
I picked up the pace and ignored him, giving him a taste of his own medicine.
“Gabby, I’m sorry.”
When I got to the car, I tossed the bags in the back seat.
Ben opened my door, but I shoved him.
“I can open my own door.” I no longer cared if he could hear me.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
BREATHE, “HANDS TO HEAVEN”
Gabby
“Gabby, I’m sorry,” Ben repeated multiple times on the way to his house, but I ignored him.
As soon as I shut off the engine, I retrieved his bags from the back, and carried them inside while he followed me. I looked around for his parents.
“They’re gone. Tillie had an appointment, and they were going to lunch,” he said.
I turned and relaxed my hands, letting the bags fall to the ground. Then I shrugged, just like he had done to me all day, and started to brush past him to go home.
Ben grabbed my wrist. “I should have broken up with Susie. In the eighth grade, when Michelle said you liked me as more than a friend, I should have broken up with Susie.”
I closed my eyes.
“Maybe it would have changed the trajectory of my life. I wouldn’t have had to be your best friend while you fell for other guys. I missed my chance, and I was too scared to ask for a second one. So I stood in Matt’s shadow. I watched you fall for everyone but me. And I told myself that someday, I would be everything you wanted and more.” He laughed. “For every dream you’ve had about Matt Cory, I’ve had a million more about you. And now I’m nothing. Less than nothing. You deserve something.”
Ben didn’t play fairly. Why couldn’t he let me stay mad at him? He didn’t deserve my sympathy. I wasn’t sure he even wanted it. My brain struggled to sync with my heart. One thought I should love Matt Cory, the other knew I loved Benjamin Ashford.