Total pages in book: 94
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 91363 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 457(@200wpm)___ 365(@250wpm)___ 305(@300wpm)
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
AEROSMITH, “GOING DOWN / LOVE IN AN ELEVATOR”
Gabby
“Everything okay?” Matt asked over dinner at his favorite Chinese restaurant.
It was a cheer-Gabby-up dinner, and I wondered if my mom put him up to it.
Our food was about gone, and I hadn’t said more than a few sentences, mostly about the recent snow. However, it wasn’t just me. Matt seemed off too.
“I’m fine,” I said. “You?”
He poked around at the rest of his rice and beef. “Yeah.” In the next breath, he said, “No.” With a deep sigh he set his fork on his plate and sat back in his chair. “Julianne finally called me. I hadn’t seen her since she stormed out of the party. She wanted to have dinner. So we did. And after dinner, she invited me up to her apartment to talk, but talking turned into more. But I stopped it immediately.” He eyed me, studying my reaction.
I didn’t have one.
“I told her I kissed you. She asked if it was just physical or if I had feelings for you. And I didn’t know what to say.” He drummed his fingers on the table.
I sipped my water. Was he waiting for me to say something? There wasn’t a question in anything he said.
Still, where were my emotions? How could I be with the man of my dreams, talking about him kissing me, and not feel complete euphoria?
“It’s okay if you have thoughts or feelings about this,” he laughed a little.
“Um …” I cleared my throat.
“After what happened with Sarah,” he shook his head, “I don’t know how to be anything but honest in a relationship. I don’t want to lie to you or to Julianne.”
“I kissed Ben.” I twisted my lips for a second. “Actually, he kissed me. But I kissed him back. I don’t know what it meant.”
Matt paused his drumming fingers. “I’m not surprised.”
“What?” I couldn’t hide my shock.
“He clearly has a thing for you.”
“Why do you say that?”
Matt shrugged. “It’s how he looks at you with a permanent smile. I can’t explain it, but it’s obvious.”
“Is that how you look at Julianne?”
Matt’s gaze wandered around the restaurant before returning to me with a tiny nod. “I suppose.”
“So you really like Julianne and Ben likes me. But she’s moving, and I’m …”
I’m in love with you?
I no longer knew how I felt about Matt. When Ben kissed me, up was down, in felt like out, and right versus wrong no longer made sense.
He grunted a laugh. “Ben and I sound lovesick and pathetic.”
Ben was dealing with something much bigger than having a crush on a girl.
“Maybe we can scratch each other’s itch. The loneliness itch.”
Scratching itches didn’t sound like a reliable road to matrimony. I didn’t want to be anyone’s back scratcher or calamine lotion. Where was the romance in that? I preferred the drunk version of Matt, the one who said I was prettier than my sisters and noticed the color of my eyes and the moles on my face. Was it time to abandon my dreams? Did I come this far to give up on Matt? Or did I need to adjust my idea of falling in love? Perhaps Matt wasn’t the kind to fall. Maybe he moseyed into it without a big splash. Then one day, without realizing the exact moment it happened, he’d think, “Wow! I love Gabriella. She’s been everything I’ve ever needed and wanted. How could I be so blind? How did I mistake true love for a bottle of pink lotion?”
“Gabby?”
I glanced up from my plate.
Matt smiled. “Penny for your thoughts?”
“It’s nothing.” I slid my plate aside. “I’m done. Are you?”
“Yeah. Let’s get out of here.”
After he paid for dinner, I popped three mint Tic Tacs into my mouth on the way to his car.
“Do you want to come to my place or should I take you back to your dorm?”
A flood of nerves ravaged me, so I slid my hands under my legs so he wouldn’t see them shaking.
We were a long way from marriage. How was I supposed to get there without having sex with him? Tell him I was waiting for marriage? He already thought I was no longer a virgin.
I messed up and dug a hole too deep, and there was no good way out of it.
I needed to come clean or sacrifice my morals. But were they morals or just guilt? Did I genuinely not want to have sex until my wedding night, or was I afraid of the guilt from God? Maybe if my heart was pure, if I only had sex with the person who I intended to marry, God would show me mercy.
“Your place,” I whispered.
When my sisters and I were younger, Mom and Dad promised to take us to Disneyland. The buildup to our trip was the most exciting and unforgettable time in my life. But then our car broke down, and not only could our parents not afford to pay for us to fly to California, they couldn’t afford the park tickets after paying for the car to get fixed. So we went to Six Flags, and Mom bought us Mickey Mouse T-shirts to wear. We had to lower our expectations, but we still had a good time.