Total pages in book: 42
Estimated words: 39249 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 196(@200wpm)___ 157(@250wpm)___ 131(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 39249 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 196(@200wpm)___ 157(@250wpm)___ 131(@300wpm)
I didn't mean to fall for him, but I think maybe I was lying to myself all along. I never really stood a chance of faking it with him, of pretending he was mine temporarily without giving him my heart. I think we both know I asked him for help because it had to be him…because there was no one else I could imagine at my side. And I think we both know that's because, no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, I already had feelings for him.
I tried to bury them. I tried like hell to convince myself that he wasn't my type. But really, all I was doing was trying to give myself an out—a reason to keep hiding. I've gotten so good at it that it's second nature. If I never try, if I just stick to the fringes, it hurts less. I can pretend it doesn't matter.
It's always mattered. It's never been okay. And I'm not sure how to undo the lifetime of damage that's been done. I think some of those wounds will linger for the rest of my life. But today—right now—some feel healed in a way they never have before. I feel more confident than I ever have. It's not because of what Sidney said last night, either.
It's because of the way he looks at me. It's the way he holds me. It's the way his voice and his words are slowly replacing my mother's. It's the way he never wavers or hesitates. I'm stronger because he makes me want to be stronger. He makes me want to stand proudly at his side and say that this is who I am, and if I'm good enough for him, who gives a shit what anyone else thinks?
I never stood a chance with him. I thought I did. I thought we could make it through the wedding and go back to life like usual. But there is no life like usual after Sidney. There's just Sidney.
Maybe this is dangerous. Maybe I am setting myself up for failure. But I'd rather fail epically than not give him my whole heart and see where it leads.
"I…I love him," I whisper to Vanessa.
"Oh, girl, I know," she says, laughing. "It's written all over your face."
"Tye doesn't know yet." I scowl. "He thinks we're just sleeping together." I was mad at him last night, so I ignored his call. On the off chance he wasn't calling to apologize, there's no way I was going to listen to him complain and try to talk me out of being with Sidney.
"Are you going to tell him?"
"I guess. I mean, I have to tell him, right?" At this point, it's probably inevitable.
"Yeah, I think so," she says, making me groan.
"Why did I know you were going to say that?"
"It won't be so bad." The way her lips twitch tells me that even she knows that's not true. Tye is going to be dramatic, unreasonable, and really freaking annoying.
"I'm probably going to have to yell at him."
Vanessa laughs and then sobers because she knows I'm right. "Would it be selfish of me to ask you to do it before the wedding? God," she groans immediately, covering her eyes with her hands. "That is so selfish, isn't it? I'm pushing you, and it's not my business to give you a deadline. It's just…I know your brother, and he's worried. We have three hundred people coming to the wedding. He can't be a moody pain in front of three hundred people."
"What? No!" I peel her hands away from her face. "It's your wedding. Of course you're allowed to want him focused on it, Vanessa. I would never, ever want to take his attention from it. Are you kidding me? He's dying to marry you. There is no way I'm going to let him mess it up by being butthurt about what Sidney and I are doing. I'll kill him first."
She cracks a smile. "Thank you. If you need me to help kill him after the wedding, sign me up."
"I'll keep that in mind." I gulp. "I might need reinforcements."
"I've got your back."
I know she means it. She always has my back.
I can't wait until she's my sister.
"I don't have to tolerate this, Briggs!" my mother says suddenly, jumping to her feet.
Vanessa and I both turn to gape as Briggs hauls himself upright.
"That's your call," my brother says, staring her down. "But you're done taking your shit out on Hattie. If you want to be at Tye's wedding, you'll do what I said. Otherwise, don't bother showing up. You won't be allowed in."
She scowls at him before her bottom lip quivers. I watch, not entirely shocked, when she bursts into tears and then flees from the box. That's usually how things end between her and my brothers. They put their foot down, and she cries.