Total pages in book: 114
Estimated words: 105667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 105667 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 528(@200wpm)___ 423(@250wpm)___ 352(@300wpm)
In fact, I feel so little guilt, I’m starting to wonder how far I can take this thing with Saint. I’ve picked up my phone several times to text him again, but each time I chicken out.
Cam and Reya have kissed in the book, but I’m having trouble writing about the relationship they develop because I’ve never had feelings for a married man. I’ve never felt like the other woman. There are so many ways a relationship with a married man would differ from a more traditional relationship. Not only would you not be able to go public with it, even to your closest friends, but you would also have to go to great lengths to keep it private.
What would that feel like? To love a man who can only love you part-time?
To be the one left behind, always waiting for stolen moments, knowing that someone else gets the best of him while you only get the leftovers?
It’s a feeling I can’t quite grasp, but I know it’s something Reya would be wrestling with in the story. It’s a layer of complexity I haven’t fully explored yet, and I know it’s the key to making the relationship between Cam and Reya feel real.
I’ve been at war with myself over whether or not to call him. On one hand, it feels reckless, like I’m stepping into dangerous territory. On the other hand, it’s work.
I settle on a compromise with myself.
I’ll text him.
I keep in mind that his wife might see this message, so I stay professional. I don’t want to raise any red flags. Just a simple, innocent request.
This is Petra Rose. I have a research question if you have time for it.
I stare at my phone after I send the text, half expecting him to respond immediately like he did the last time I texted him. But this time, the dots don’t appear. He doesn’t text me back right away, and the silence stretches out longer than I expect.
I watch the phone for a moment, waiting, but when nothing happens, disappointment creeps in.
He’s had time to think over what he did, and he’s starting to regret it.
I stare at my computer for several minutes, wondering if I shouldn’t have sent the text. I know I shouldn’t have sent the text. But I feel more disappointment that he didn’t answer right away than I do guilt from sending it. I know I’m walking a fine line here, but the pull of curiosity is stronger than my sense of caution.
I need to busy myself, so I go to the kitchen to cook dinner and leave my phone on the table. I make a salad and grill a chicken breast, trying to focus on the task at hand rather than the gnawing sense of anticipation building in my chest.
I eat my entire meal while staring pathetically at my phone. Each bite feels like it’s dragging time out even longer.
I guess he really does regret that kiss.
Maybe he’s trying to distance himself, to draw a line in the sand that I’ve already crossed. The thought stings more than I expected it to.
I take my plate to the sink and begin rinsing it, but I almost drop it when I hear my phone buzz. I turn off the water and rush to my phone, my heart racing with a mixture of excitement and anxiety. I can feel a swirl of excitement roll through my entire body when I see it’s a response from Saint.
Saint: Are you having writer’s block again? More than happy to help. ;)
Holy shit. He even added a wink.
I wasn’t expecting that. I wasn’t even really expecting him to respond, but that reply proves that we’re both on the same page after that kiss a couple of days ago.
Me: Yeah, I guess you could say that. After you left the other night, I wrote several chapters. But today I’m stuck.
Saint: What’s tripping you up?
Me: I’m not sure I know how it feels to be the other woman. I have no idea how to describe things between Cam and Reya because I have no idea how often she would be thinking about his wife or the future of their relationship when they’re together.
Saint: Are Cam and Reya in love?
Me: Yes. Very much in love.
Saint: So you’re wondering how two people who are in love would navigate a normal night together, when one of those characters is married?
Me: Yes. Exactly that.
Saint: It sounds like you would need to experience that firsthand. Research can only go so far, I’m assuming.
Me: Experience has definitely proven helpful in the recent past.
Saint: It would be rude of me not to help you. I can be there in an hour.
Me: I would appreciate that.
I calmly set my phone back down on the table, but my reaction is anything but calm right now. My heart is racing, my hands trembling with anticipation. I want to scream. This entire situation is insane. I can’t even believe I’ve gotten myself involved with this guy, but again—it’s for research. That’s all. Research.