Total pages in book: 92
Estimated words: 90852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 90852 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 454(@200wpm)___ 363(@250wpm)___ 303(@300wpm)
“Did you hear my question, Lei?”
“Yes. I heard you.”
“So, what was there?”
“Paintings.”
“Of whom?”
“Moni, don’t go there.”
“Chanel?”
He sneered and then calmed himself again. “Yesterday morning, I removed them.”
“Because you knew I was coming?”
“They won’t be going back on that wall. I plan to deliver them to the West once I have her body again.”
“You still didn’t answer the question.”
“Yes. . .I removed the paintings of Chanel because I knew you were coming and although I have fucked up a lot with our growing relationship, I wasn’t stupid enough to keep her paintings in my bedroom while you were here.”
Still. . .I was jealous and looked away from him, hating the hot, prickly vines of envy twisting and tangling in my stomach, threating to choke me.
It was bitterness.
A relentless ache.
Gnawing and clawing at me.
Lei placed his hand back on my chin and lifted his view to me. “I told you that my feelings for her. . .I don’t think they were even real.”
I did my best to not show any emotion.
I hoped to God none of it displayed on my face.
I never wanted to be the chick that worried so much about the other woman, especially one that wasn’t even alive anymore.
But, still. . .I was jealous.
Worry filled Lei’s eyes. “Talk to me, Moni.”
My bottom lip quivered. “Let’s just leave this alone for now and—”
“No. What’s going on in your mind?”
Sadness hit me. “I would feel stupid admitting it.”
“You’re never going to be stupid to me, especially when you’re telling me things that are on your mind.” He let out a long breath. “Talk to me. I want that for us.”
“You want what?”
“For us to be able to just lay out all our cards on the table and not be terrified about what the other would say.”
“I’m not comfortable being this person.”
“What does that mean?”
“Lei. . .” My voice trembled. “It’s not just about the painting. It’s about you. . .and Chanel. . .and whatever shadows of her that still linger in your heart.”
A silence fell between us, so thick I could carve it with a knife.
“I’m not her and. . .” My eyes watered. It was so unexpected it made me realize how much I had truly been holding back from not just Lei, but myself. “I don’t want to be Chanel’s replacement. I’m absolutely not going to do it. I am worthy. I am. . .deserving. . .I’m just. . .I’m not her replacement.”
God. . .do I sound crazy? Fuck it. I don’t care. This is how I feel.
He sighed deeply, cradling my face gently in his hands. “Moni, you’re not anyone’s replacement.”
“Then why have I felt like that sometimes? Why have I felt like I was living in some sort of twisted Cinderella story where I’ve got to wear the dead princess’ shoes?”
Lei frowned, seeming to search for the right words. “It’s true, Chanel was important to me once. But that was then.”
His hand trailed down my arm and gripped mine tightly. “You are my now. You are my present. You are my future.”
“You can’t just quickly get over the woman that you have been obsessed with for years.”
“I can.”
“We were at the feast on Mount Utopia and your hands were all over me. Soon as Chanel’s body went missing, you jumped up and headed off without saying shit—”
“That will never happen again.”
“It won’t because I won’t be there when you come back.”
This time that sneer hit his face again and he didn’t even try to get rid of it. “Careful.”
“You be careful.”
“I am being careful, Moni. I’m being more careful than you could possibly imagine.”
“Actions speak louder than words.”
“Oh, you’ll see action. Don’t worry about that.”
I swallowed.
Then, that sneer left him and he sighed. “I promise you this. You are not living in anyone else’s shadow.”
That should have been enough.
But doubts were stubborn things.
I frowned. “All I’m saying is that. . .I will try with us, but I’m also not going to let you use me to get over her—”
“That’s not what this is—”
“I’m just telling you my energy. Get over her on your own time. I will wait for you but I’m not going to be a band-aid to cover the pain.”
He studied me. “I also understand that more than you know.”
“Good.”
“Now understand this.”
I tensed.
“I am in love with you.” The intensity in his gaze began to pierce through my defenses. “Hopelessly in love with you. Not falling but already crashed to the ground. Already entangled in your web.”
My heart skipped a beat.
“And I won’t wait a year for you to be living in my palace and I damn sure won’t wait a year for you to hold the title of Mountain Mistress. Especially, when it’s already yours.”
My bottom lip quivered.
“Your sisters need to get used to Lotus Blossom and the East. Okay.” He nodded. “That’s fair. I’ll be patient.”