Total pages in book: 79
Estimated words: 76448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 76448 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 382(@200wpm)___ 306(@250wpm)___ 255(@300wpm)
“I don’t know. We were doing okay, and then, I don’t know if you heard,” he said, pulling two cups down from the cupboard.
“I heard you making up.”
“She broke down in the shower afterward. I feel close to her, and then something snaps inside her, and she withdraws from me.” He leaned against the counter, looking at her.
“It sounds to me like she’s still hurting.”
“What about you?” he asked.
Rose looked up at him. He’d always thought Rose was a beautiful woman when she was fully made up with makeup. The woman before him even vulnerable was totally breathtaking. Why did she wear makeup when she didn’t need it?
“I don’t know about me anymore.”
“Ten years ago Hardy made a mistake.”
Tears filled her eyes as she looked at him. “I know how long ago it was. For so long we’ve been happy. I think we’ve been happy, but I don’t know anymore.” She stared down at the brush in her hand. He was used to seeing Rose smile. This side to her was scary, depressing, and it tore at his heart to see her so sad. Rose was part of the club. He wasn’t in love with her, but he did care about her.
“Is it because of the kids being born?” Whizz asked. “Are they a reminder of what you can’t have and what you’ve lost?”
“Wow, the boys really weren’t lying about you, were they? Since you were taken you don’t beat around the bush.” He went to apologize, but she held her hand up, stopping any apology he would have said. “Don’t bother to say anything. It’s true. You’ve gotten hard since Alan. Everyone sees it.”
Whizz wished he could dispute what she said. He was a different man, a darker man than he ever thought possible. Cutting off the memory of torturing the man Gonzalez had sent to kill Eva, he forced himself to focus on Rose. He’d lost a part of himself with Alan. There was no way for him to ever get that back. This was the man he’d turned into.
“I love kids. Seeing the girls’ happiness has not affected my own. I can share their happiness with them. I think Hardy and I have been hiding from the truth. If it was just a case of us moving on from what happened, it would have been different. I didn’t move on.” She was frowning, staring off into space as she talked. “I changed who I was. He didn’t change himself.” She licked her lips, putting the brush onto the table. “I wasn’t the kind of woman who took her clothes off while dancing for the whole club to see.” The tears that had been filling her eyes stumbled down her cheeks. “My life was filled with books, cooking, boring mundane crap that Hardy thought was cute. I was a virgin when he claimed me.”
“I thought you hung around the club. I thought you were a sweet-butt.”
“I did hang around the club, but I was with a sweet-butt who has since moved on. She stayed around, fucked several of the men, but Hardy caught sight of me and I never looked at anyone else. Hardy’s always been like that for me.” She shook her head. “We were young, and I was a fucking idiot. All he ever had to do was ask me for anything and I gave it to him. I never made him work hard for me. He had that ability. I don’t know if every woman was like that. He was the first man I fell in love with.”
“Are you going to leave him?”
“I don’t know.” She started to fiddle with the brush. “I think I need to, but then I worry.”
Whizz didn’t say anything as she went silent in between thoughts.
“I love him. I really do, and I hate what we’re going through. I wake up, and I think, this day will be different. I can go back to pretending and forgetting, and then I look at him or he’ll say something. It doesn’t have to be relevant, and the memories come. I’m pulled back to that moment I realized the man I loved was fucking another woman. I wish there was something I could do or say to stop what’s happening to us, but I can’t.” She tucked some of her red hair behind her ear. Her blue eyes blurred with tears. “I don’t know if I can keep pretending to be something I’m not. This woman you all know, it’s not me. It has never been me.”
“You need to do what’s right for you.”
“The club is my life.”
“Then find a way to forgive him or a way to move on. Your life isn’t over, Rose. You’re a beautiful woman. Give him a chance to love the woman you once were.” Whizz poured them both a coffee. “Just out of curiosity did you wear glasses?”