Total pages in book: 128
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 121210 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 606(@200wpm)___ 485(@250wpm)___ 404(@300wpm)
A hand grips my shoulder, and I look up, fully expecting it to be Charlie or Breezy, but I’m shocked to find Clay standing there, his mouth set in a firm line and tears already shining within his eyes.
Instantly, relief fills my chest at his presence. For as many wrongs as we’ve made, being here together with Summer in these final moments couldn’t be more right.
We look at each other for a long moment, silence stretching between us, but it’s not awkward or uncomfortable. It’s a wordless exchange of the past. Of how much this little girl has meant to us. Of how she was a happy part of our early journey as a couple.
“I’m glad you’re both here together.” Charlie’s voice grabs my attention, and I look across the room to find her walking toward us. “A few weeks ago, Summer and I were going through some of her old books and photos and coloring books and toys, and she came across this.” She holds out a folded piece of paper, and Clay takes it from her outstretched hand. “She wanted me to give it to you.”
Clay squats down beside my chair and carefully unfolds the paper. It’s a page from a coloring book, Snow White the focus. Pink crayon scribbles are all over the page, and in the corner of it sits a drawing of a bride and groom that takes me back five years in time.
Clay loves Josie is written above the happy figures, and tears stream down my cheeks in thick waves as memories of that day in his bar fill my mind.
“I’ll give you two a moment with her, okay?” Charlie says, and seconds later, she quietly leaves the room.
Summer was so little then, only a toddler, but she was just this happy, giggly, adorable little thing who loved to color with her pink crayon and ask a million questions. She had her struggles, but back then, she was vibrant with life, and anyone in her in her presence couldn’t stop themselves from smiling.
She was light and love and joy, and she was so special to both Clay and me.
Clay’s gaze meets mine, and I see that he, too, has tears streaming down his face.
“It’s not fair,” I whisper through a sob, and he doesn’t hesitate to rise to his feet and pull me out of my chair and into his arms.
“I know,” he whispers back. “I know.”
His tight embrace is the only thing that keeps me from crumpling to the floor. I cry into his shoulder, my tears turning his T-shirt wet, as all the memories of the past roll through my mind.
This little girl is tied up in all our stuff, and it feels like I’m grieving losing her and losing Clay and losing our baby and losing Grandma Rose all at the same time.
I don’t know how long I stand there in Clay’s embrace, but I don’t pull away until I feel like I have enough control of my emotions to tell her goodbye. He shoves the paper from Charlie into my back pocket without saying a word, and I finally work up the courage to let go.
I sit back down in the chair, and Clay stands behind me with his hands gripping my shoulders. And I reach out to take Summer’s hand into mine again. Tears are a constant presence on my face, but I ignore them.
“I love you so much, sweet girl. So, so much. Getting to be your Auntie Josie is one of the greatest honors of my life.” I lean forward to kiss her forehead, but I let my lips linger for a long moment before I pull away. “Goodbye, Summer.”
On a shaky breath, I stand up from the chair, hug Clay one last time, and walk out of Summer’s bedroom forever.
I know by the look of her and the throbbing in my heart that there won’t be another time.
I drive home in a blur, drunk on sadness and devastation, unblinking until I pull into my driveway and shut off the engine. With wooden legs, I walk inside, pull out the Clay loves Josie paper that Clay shoved into my jeans pocket as I was leaving and set it on the nightstand, and climb into bed behind Norah, hugging her tight.
She’s still sleeping, but I reach out and grasp her hand in mine while I cry silently into the pillow.
If only I could go back in time and do things differently. I’d take back so many things. I’d change so many things. If I could go back in time, I’d find a way to stay.
When the phone rings two hours later, the world is changed forever.
39
Clay
Friday, September 10th
Summer died in the early hours of September 2nd, and a day that used to be a random date on the calendar became the worst date we’ve ever known.