Total pages in book: 117
Estimated words: 112398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 562(@200wpm)___ 450(@250wpm)___ 375(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 112398 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 562(@200wpm)___ 450(@250wpm)___ 375(@300wpm)
I stepped inside and carefully turned the two locks on the door.
I may have wanted to draw Ambrose here, but I wanted to do it on my terms.
I just wasn’t entirely sure how to make that happen. It was like he was right there, dancing along the fringes, taunting and provoking. Lording over those he had under his control.
It was that control I needed to shatter.
The heater under the window pumped, and a tremor rolled through me as the cold clashed with the heat.
“It’s warm in here, at least,” Pax mumbled as he unzipped his duffel and pulled out his toiletry bag. He kept his attention down as he dug around, and there was something in his demeanor that was off.
Unsettled.
Not that we weren’t always on edge. But I could feel it. The strain that pulled right beneath the surface.
I’d felt it grow with every mile we’d traveled today.
“What’s wrong?” I asked his back, my chest stretching tight in worry.
It wasn’t as if there weren’t a million things that were wrong.
But this was new.
Something that had emerged in the aftermath of what we’d seen and learned earlier today.
Pax hesitated, clearly not wanting to let me in.
“If there’s something going on, you need to let me know. You can’t keep me in the dark. There’s enough of it already, isn’t there?”
On a sigh, Pax stopped riffling through his bag and his head drooped between his shoulders.
“About out of money. I’m going to have to hunt. Track down some fuckin’ monster who has plenty of it for all the wrong reasons and relieve him of it. That, and relieve the world of his burden.”
He stayed that way for the longest time before he slowly turned to me.
Ferocity fueled the lilt of his chin, white fire in the flames of his eyes, though there was the slightest smudge of guilt that underscored it. That part of him that believed he wasn’t good enough for me. That he was bad in some way. That he’d taint me.
“Then we go find him,” I told him.
Simply.
Because I also understood his calling. Why he did the things he did.
A gush of rejection puffed out of him, and he let go of a caustic laugh. “Absolutely fuckin’ not. There is no we to it.”
The words were shards, scorn directed at himself.
I lifted my own chin in challenge. “I thought you said we were in this together?”
In a flash, Pax crossed the room, and he had my face framed in his hands before I could process the movement.
“You think I would ever want to subject you to that, Aria? What you have to witness is bad enough—the barbarity both here and in Faydor. But for you to see it coming from my own hands?” His face pinched in disgust. “When it isn’t done to protect you? When it’s done out of my own selfishness?”
“Out of your own selfishness?” Disbelief gusted from my lungs. “Do you think I don’t know why you really do it? Do you think I don’t know this is another way that you protect the innocent? That you’re giving your entire life to stopping the evils that run rampant in this world? Both while awake and asleep? You think I would ever judge you?”
He dropped his forehead to mine. “I can’t stand the thought of you seeing me like that, Aria. With bloodstained hands.”
My forehead shook against his, and I clutched on to him as I whispered, “All of our hands are bloodstained. In some way. You’re the one who told me that what is important right now is my survival . . . And if this is part of what it takes for that survival, then so be it.”
He tightened his hold on my face. “No, Aria. Not this. Please don’t ask it of me. Stay here and keep the doors locked. I hate leaving you, but it’s so much more dangerous out there than it is in here. I’m going to leave my gun on the table. Do not hesitate to use it. I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
With that, he tore himself away, and he pulled his gun from where he had it tucked inside his jacket. Metal clanked against the wood as he set it down; then he pulled a large knife from his duffel and tucked that into its spot.
Anxiety rolled through me. The thought of him out there, on his own—every part of me rejected the idea of it. This misconception that he was supposed to take on more of the burden. That he had to protect me from the things he thought I shouldn’t be exposed to.
We should have long since passed that.
“Pax,” I said, trying to break through to him, but one second later, he stood in front of me again.
His hot hands burned on my cheeks as he begged, “Please, just stay here, Aria. Please.”