Total pages in book: 169
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 161535 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 808(@200wpm)___ 646(@250wpm)___ 538(@300wpm)
I touch his knee and when that elicits no response, I speak up. “Well, I’m disappointed, Kalos. After all of our discussions about interior decorating, I really thought there would be a throne of scabs after all.”
Silence.
I’m patient, though. It takes a moment, and I see his pupils dilate. He blinks once. Twice. His gaze flicks towards me. His mouth sets in a firm line, but he doesn’t get up from his throne where he’s slouched. Instead, he just regards me like a wounded animal afraid of getting attacked once more. “You lied to me.”
“I did. I was an asshole.” I brush my thumb over his knee. “I’m sorry.”
Kalos simply stares at me. Through me. As if I don’t exist. As if I’m nothing to him. “Why are you here?”
I refuse to be intimidated by his bored, aloof tone. I know him better than this. I spent months at his side, closer than skin. I know that his ennui hides a sensitive heart that’s been wounded over and over again. I know that he retreats when he’s been hurt. I know he pretends not to care but he does, greatly.
I take his hand and put it on my cheek. “Because I fucked up, Kalos. I could never think of the right time to tell you that Lachesis—she’s one of the Fates from my world—made a deal with me that I’d return to that world’s afterlife instead of yours.”
He doesn’t respond, but I sense I’ve hurt him all the same.
“I made that deal before I ever met you,” I say softly. “Because I thought I’d want to be with David after he died, and my family, and everyone else. That I’d want to go back to what was familiar. That deal was a mistake, though.”
I turn my face in, pressing a kiss to his cold palm. “Turns out I’d trade away everyone else for you. Even if you never speak to me again, I’m content to just remain here in your swamp. Just to be near you.”
He says nothing.
“I know you probably don’t want me here right now. I know it might take like, a thousand years for you to forgive me because I never said anything. It’s just that…at first it felt like it was none of your business. It didn’t matter, and I knew you wouldn’t care. Overnight, I fell in love with you. But we were running for our lives, and it wasn’t the right time. And then we were in bed together and it sure wasn’t the right time to talk about dying. And then when I found out I was sick and you’d been holding it off all that time because you knew how much I wanted to live…I was fucked, more or less. I could tell you and break your heart a second time when I died and left, or not tell you and only break your heart once.”
Kalos grunts.
“It sounds selfish and stupid, but I was hoping you’d forget me the moment you ascended.”
“Forget you?” This gets a reaction from him. He sits up, leaning forward. “Forget you? The moment I returned to my realm, the moment I became a god again, I went to the Fates and demanded they hand you over to me. That they’d stolen my Anchor and I needed you. That you made me a better god—made me human—because of your kindness. Your inability to take no for an answer. You always find a way, and so I thought I would, too. I demanded all kinds of things from the Fates. I threatened. I cajoled. I insisted they intervene with Rhagos and pry you from his side. Because I couldn’t get to you myself, as I am banned from his realm.”
Is he? It sounds like that changed. “Oh.”
“And when they wouldn’t do it, I went to the High Father himself. Made a great fuss about how I should get my Anchor at my side to remind me of humility and mortality and humanity and all that nonsense. Whatever they wanted to hear, I’d say. Imagine how I felt when I learned that you had not been stolen from me? That the plan had been to return you to your world all along? And I was the only one that didn’t know?”
I bite my lip, feeling like the worst kind of monster. “You thought I’d done what Belara did. That I’d used you and made you feel stupid.”
His mouth twists cynically. “You thought I would forget you, Elsie?” He tilts his head, squinting at me, as if he doesn’t grasp the concept.
“I know—”
Kalos shakes his head, incredulous. “How do you forget the sunlight? How do you forget to breathe?”
Now I’m the one that can’t breathe. My eyes fill with tears. “I don’t know what to say to make it better. I know there aren’t words that will. I messed up, badly. However you want me to atone, I will. I just know I’m miserable without you and I’d rather spend eternity here in your swamp, being ignored and shunned by you, than a happy place without you. Without you, it’s not paradise. It’s just another prison.”