Total pages in book: 102
Estimated words: 98583 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 98583 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 493(@200wpm)___ 394(@250wpm)___ 329(@300wpm)
He hesitates and looks away. This is what always happens. We start talking about the future, his mood sours and darkens, and he finally finds a way to get out of the conversation. It’s going to happen again if I let him.
“Baby—”
I charge him like a bull. I slam into his chest, pull his face to mine, and I kiss him. I throw everything into that kiss, driving my tongue past his lips and teeth, clearly surprising him. I bite down, not too hard, but enough to make him grunt. Then I pull away while he seems off-guard.
“Just tell me the truth,” I say, breathing hard. I was trying to unbalance him enough with the kiss that he’d open up, but I think I only succeeded in turning myself on.
He sucks in a breath. His lips open. Then he shakes his head. “I don’t like talking about the future, especially not in this room, because this is where I’m going to end up. Just like him.”
“Adriano—”
“No, listen for a second.” His grip on me tightens into iron. My heart’s hammering. I knew he had worries about this, but maybe I didn’t realize how deep it went. “Watching my father deteriorate was one of the most terrible experiences of my life. You can’t imagine what it was like for the one person you love most in the world to slowly forget who you are.”
“I do know,” I whisper, looking into his eyes. “My parents were addicts, remember? But they weren’t always so bad. I watched them spiral into their disease, and it took them both from me. A lot like the way dementia took your father from you.”
His expression softens, and his head droops. “You’re right. I hadn’t thought about it that way.”
“But I’m not an addict. And you won’t necessarily end up with dementia.”
“Even if I don’t, you know most Dons don’t retire in peace and die at an old age. You know what my life is like.”
“You want to push me away because your job is dangerous?”
“No, I don’t want that, not even a little. But yes, for your sake. I can’t live with myself if you suffer because of me. Even the thought of you taking care of me in my old age, of watching me slowly lose myself and also losing you, it fucking kills me. It breaks me, Lucy. I don’t want to shackle you to that awful ending.”
I lean into him and hug tightly. I close my eyes and breathe in his smell. This big, terrifying man. He’s a killer and a monster. But there’s so much more than that inside of him. Every time he finally opens up, I’m reminded that people are more than the little pieces they show to the world. A killer can love too. A killer can worry and care. There’s nothing simple about Adriano.
But if I wanted simple, I’d find some pretty grunting idiot that just growls and acts like he can fix everything with his genitals.
Instead, I have my complicated husband, who also happens to have a magic dick.
“I don’t care about the ending. That’s life, right? If we all lived for the ending, I’m pretty sure everyone would be pretty freaking disappointed.”
“You don’t know how bad it was.”
“But we just agreed that I do, or at least I have a pretty good idea. And if it means a life with you, with our children, I’d happily take the risk. Because if by some terrible unlucky twist you do end up like your father, you’ll need me there by your side, and you better fucking believe I won’t ever, ever let you suffer alone, no matter what you forget.”
He’s quiet for a moment. I feel the tension in him like a pulsing wave. I wish I could open up my heart and my mind and let him see my insides. That way he’d understand that I’m in this now. There’s no turning back for me. There’s no before, no after, only right here and now. There’s only my husband, Adriano, and the life I want to build with him.
I don’t want our life to end in tragedy. But I’m willing to take the risk because the reward is him in my life every single day until then.
“I want you to make me a promise.” He strokes my hair and takes a deep breath. “If it becomes too much, I want you to swear you’ll walk away. No hard feelings from me. No regrets or anything. I want you to promise you’ll go.”
“Adriano—”
“Just swear it, alright.”
I sigh and tilt my head back to look into his eyes. “No, Adriano.”
“Lucy—”
“No,” I say, firmer now, fighting back against my anger. I don’t know where this fire is coming from, but it feels good to stand up for myself. “I’m not promising that because it won’t ever happen. You’re my husband. That means good and bad, right? I can’t live with myself if you don’t know that I’m going to be by your side no matter what happens. That’s just fucking life. I won’t ever abandon you the same way you won’t ever abandon me. That’s just how this works. We’re partners.”