Total pages in book: 133
Estimated words: 124341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 124341 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 622(@200wpm)___ 497(@250wpm)___ 414(@300wpm)
The words that wound through his mind had been given to him, but he needed them now to restrain his roiling emotions.
He caught sight of a bird and watched as it landed at the side of a puddle, flapping its wings as droplets flew out into the air. She was right to bring you to nature to heal, Jak had told him when he’d described the fishing cottage and the way he’d sat on the deck and walked in the woods. Nature reminds us of our place on the earth. It reminds us of what it means to be human.
Maybe.
But Sam still didn’t know if he was human. Maybe all the chemicals, all the metal and plastic and who knew what else had altered his very DNA to such a degree that he was more machine than man. Jak had been talking about a different sort of healing than bullet holes or stitched-up skin. But Sam didn’t know how to measure any other type of healing than that.
The sliding glass door behind him opened, and he turned to see a blur of dark hair barreling toward him, Superman cape flying out behind his miniature body.
Before Sam could brace for impact, the little thing latched onto Sam’s leg, wrapping his arms and legs around him like a monkey on a tree. Sam frowned down at him, waiting. For what, he wasn’t sure. The little monkey’s grip grew tighter. Sam lifted his leg, giving it a shake to see if he could dislodge the thing. A peal of muffled laughter rose from the place where the kid’s face was planted just above Sam’s knee. If Sam bent his leg and kneed the kid, it would injure him. His knee was made of steel. He gave his leg another small shake. This time, the peal of laughter was louder as Eddie leaned his head back, gazing gleefully up at Sam.
Sam’s confusion increased. What does this kid want?
He shook his leg harder, and Eddie shrieked with delight. Something loosened in Sam, that monster wail fading. He wants to play.
Sam felt lost. He didn’t know how to play. He began walking, and Eddie’s giggles rang out, unceasing. Sam had the urge to laugh too at the blatant ridiculousness of this. There was a small boy clinging to his leg.
Harper came out the door. “Oh, Sam, I’m sorry. Eddie—”
“Eddie?” Sam cut in. “No, I haven’t seen Eddie. Maybe he’s inside.” Muffled laughter against his knee.
Harper’s eyes danced. “That’s so weird, because I didn’t see him inside. You’re sure you haven’t seen him?”
“Nope. I have no idea where he might be. It’s just me out here. Me and the growth on my leg.”
“Oh. Yes, that’s quite the situation there. Does it bother you?”
“Only when I’m trying to sleep,” he said. His belly felt warm. Maybe he could be like Jak. Sort of. At least a little. And that was better than nothing, right?
“Okay then,” she said, taking a seat on one of the chairs that flanked a dining table, under a large tree whose branches overhung the deck. “I guess I’ll just wait here and see if he shows up.”
“Sounds good,” Sam said, pacing the edge of the deck once and then again, the muffled laughter continuing. He suddenly didn’t feel like such a monster, but even so, he acted as if he was one, holding his arms out, and walking with a staggering gait, groaning hideously. Back and forth he walked, his groan turning into a smile. The little boy laughed so hard, he lost his grip, slipping down Sam’s leg and falling to the deck.
Sam bent down and picked him up, delivering him to his mother where she sat laughing too, one hand on her pregnant belly. Sam glanced to his left where Autumn sat watching through the window, a dreamy smile on her face, her eyes swimming with tears.
His stomach dropped, misery descending, at the pure joy on her face.
Joy for what she obviously wanted. Something she could only get from a different man. One who was fully human and not mostly monster.
Joy for what she’d never have. Not if she hung her hopes on him.
And really, all that was the least of their problems.
He muttered something to Harper, turning and descending the stairs quickly, hurrying through the yard and onto the path that meandered along the water, walking until his lungs burned, but his breath came easier.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
The full moon outside the bedroom window glowed, casting a pale silvery glimmer through the opaque curtains. Autumn hadn’t pulled the shades. There was no house directly across the way from which they might want privacy, and she preferred to wake with the sun.
And gaze at the moon.
She turned, her moonlight boy’s hair as silver as the moonglow. She reached over and ran a finger over his silken hair and down his scratchy cheek. He murmured in his sleep, something unintelligible, and her heart squeezed with love. Sweet, broken man. His emotions seemed to exist on a roller coaster. Almost content one moment and then deeply distressed the next. Autumn wondered if he realized that part of his turmoil was that he was grieving for the old man named Adam. And of course, that emotion was only compounded by his guilt and his self-hatred. Thank God for Harper, there to give her an encouraging nod when Sam suddenly bolted, disappearing for hours and then returning, sweaty and morose.