Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84607 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84607 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
I tipped my head, weighing my answer. “I struggle to care about people,” I confirmed. “That doesn’t mean I can’t. The group is just small.” The library was empty, so I didn’t feel the need to push the pause button as we walked through. “Ironically, I can pick up on other people’s distress very easily. It just doesn’t sway me, normally.” Leighton happened to be a weird exception. From the moment I’d met him six years ago, I’d wanted to ease his troubles. “But in short, according to Doc—and I admit, he’s right—I lack remorse and empathy for the majority of the population, and this includes animals. I could legit kill someone for mistreating their dog, but that doesn’t mean the dog is important to me in any way. In commercials about street dogs, I’m more concerned about the diseases they’re spreading.” I paused as we reached the elevators, and we were lucky. One was waiting for us. “In the field, I’m calculating, aggressive, and volatile, traits that bleed into my normal life in milder doses.”
Leighton pushed the button, and we headed down. “Are there any boxes you don’t tick?”
I scratched my bicep and squinted, trying to remember the list of traits Doc had shown me. “I’m not manipulative by nature, or egocentric, and I can’t say I’m shallow or arrogant either.”
He nodded pensively and pinched his lips together for a beat. “But it’s still a lot. And Doc has no problems with it? You’re a senior operator with plenty of responsibility—you’re in charge of the recruits.”
I nodded. “Because I’m more than those traits, Leighton. I’m a good leader. I want our recruits to succeed and go far. I like helping others when it’s a topic that matters to me—or a person I feel close to for one reason or another. I’m protective and observant, disciplined and assertive, and I’m intuitive.” I thought of one more. “I can also see a hundred different perspectives at once, which is both a blessing and a curse, but it makes me somewhat patient, understanding, and objective.”
He quirked a small smirk as we stepped out of the elevator. “What about humble?”
“I’m not that,” I chuckled. Fuck being humble. “That’s not to say I don’t know my shittier qualities. Case in point, I’m an awful boyfriend. I can be too blunt and come off as cold. When things are personal, I struggle more to make rational decisions, and that’s fundamental as an operator. It’s why I’ve been forced to take the back seat on my own assignment.”
He nodded to himself, and we walked into the fairly empty cafeteria.
I exchanged a hello with Riggs, who was having dinner with one of the junior operators he’d once mentored.
“What’s good?” I asked.
“The pork chops with oven-roasted potatoes and mushrooms,” he said. “Don’t let Jonie skimp on the sauce.”
That sounded fantastic. “She wouldn’t dare with me. We had that conversation once when she asked if I really needed dessert.”
Riggs shook his head, as offended as I had been.
But to appease the woman, I added a plate of steamed broccoli to my tray. Leighton went with the other option, some pasta dish that looked good too.
We headed back upstairs once we had our trays, and Leighton asked if I actually preordered my dinner every night. Which was the general rule for operators, even though the kitchen staff never let the food run out.
“Not now,” I responded. “Since I’m practically a resident now, I’m on the same list as you.”
“Makes sense. They’re nicer than any DFAC staff I’ve ever encountered.”
I chuckled.
He side-eyed me as we walked back through the library. “So are you. I’m struggling to picture you the way you described yourself before. Lacking empathy and whatnot. I still see the guy who gave a stranger his phone number, just in case things got rough.”
Understandable, considering he’d only met that side of me.
“You’ll start seeing those traits further into your education when my expectations get higher,” I told him. “Once we begin counterinsurgency drills, field survival exercises, and resistance to interrogation training, Coach and I won’t be as lenient or as fun to be around. But even then, Leighton—the number I gave you is always good. You can always talk to us.”
He balanced his tray in one hand while he inserted the code to his room. “I’m not gonna lie. Picturing you as a pissed-off Drill is doing it for me.”
“Ha!” I grinned and shook my head. “Good to know.” Every now and then, he said something that was a little bolder, and I soaked it up. He revealed things about himself in those glimpses into his mind. In this instance, there was the chance Leighton Watts liked it rough.
As his superior, I was never going to make a move on him, and he’d already admitted to being the settler who didn’t ask for more. In short, this wasn’t happening. But now that the levees had broken and I could no longer deny I was ridiculously drawn to him, I fully intended to fantasize freely and frequently, and rough did it for me too.