Total pages in book: 89
Estimated words: 84607 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 84607 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 423(@200wpm)___ 338(@250wpm)___ 282(@300wpm)
He exhaled heavily and finished his coffee.
“The first time I cried in basic was really fucking cathartic, because it was also the first time I’d cried since my mom died,” I said. “I bawled my eyes out like a baby for two hours, and then I slept like one too.”
He hummed and brushed his thumb along a coffee drop sliding down the side of his mug. “I can relate, with the exception that anger still gets to me. I get angry a lot.”
“Why?”
He smirked and shook his head. “Nah. You haven’t made your point yet. Go back to explaining why you stopped responding to my texts.”
Oh, right.
I scratched the side of my head, still not used to letting my hair grow longer than an inch or two. I was probably closer to three now.
“I stopped responding because I didn’t know what to say,” I muttered. “You asked how I was doing, and I had no fuckin’ clue. I didn’t feel anything. I still don’t. My aunt was kind enough to send me care packages when I was in Germany, and it took me forever to muster the energy to call her and say thank you.” One time, I’d almost texted her to say the majority of the candy she’d sent was available on base. The Army went out of its way to make us feel at home overseas, from the snacks in every vending machine to the price of gas. Like that was the fucking point? She always reached out to me, and my first thought had been…hey, we already have that shit here. “I had one break or whatever I should call it when I met two guys who wanted to explore Europe with me. We went all over the place, cheapest train tickets we could find—Paris, Prague, Berlin, Amsterdam, Vienna… It wasn’t fun per se…but I’m glad I did it. I had a sense of peace inside me, and I smiled more. I didn’t feel as detached from myself during those months.”
Beckett smiled a little too, and he—
“Beckett!” That was Coach. He came into the cafeteria and nodded for Beckett to go with him. “We have a problem.”
“All right.” Beckett rose from his seat, and the two operators spoke at the same time. While Coach informed all recruits that an Operator Rose was going to take over in a bit, Beckett told me we’d talk more later.
I nodded and watched him stalk out.
I let out a breath, hoping I hadn’t made an ass of myself.
Weirdly enough, Beckett had a knack for making me nervous and worried, despite that I’d only ever talked to him three times. Maybe it was his expression. He was calculating and observant, and when I didn’t understand myself, I didn’t want anybody else to do it either. It felt like that was my job to figure out.
Maybe I should be grateful for the nerves? It was a reaction, at least. So few things today caused anything that was more than fleeting. I could get a chuckle or two over a funny movie, I could smile when Aunt Laura told me about a promotion at work, I could groan and curse in traffic, and I could moan and pant when I got off in the shower. But I wanted to feel with my whole body. I wanted something to take my breath away. I wanted to be shocked. I wanted to laugh till I cried.
I wanted to cry until I passed out from exhaustion.
Instead, I finished my lukewarm soup before carrying my tray over to the tray racks.
By then, an older man arrived and introduced himself as Daniel Payne, but “Call me Operator Rose.” Then he gestured toward the doors. “If you follow me, I’ll show you the basement. It’s where the fun happens.”
Damn. They weren’t kidding about the basement.
Swimming pool, shooting range, martial arts dojo, a room full of vending machines, a fully equipped gym, two areas with couches and flat-screens…
I could live here.
Operator Rose let us wander around freely, and he stayed in the wide doorway to the gym if anyone had questions. He walked with a barely noticeable limp, so maybe he stayed in one place because he was in pain…?
On the way down here, he’d given us a scripted speech on safety. You were allowed to work out alone, including swimming and target practice, but if you didn’t have a spotter or gym buddy, all recruits needed to check in electronically by the elevator so that someone from “Central Command” knew you were there.
That seemed like a rule I was gonna forget.
Everything was open twenty-four seven. Clean the equipment after you used it. Standard gun safety rules applied. For safety reasons, there was surveillance in every area, and only a senior operator could have it turned off, in case a training session was of a “sensitive nature.”