Total pages in book: 122
Estimated words: 120475 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 602(@200wpm)___ 482(@250wpm)___ 402(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 120475 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 602(@200wpm)___ 482(@250wpm)___ 402(@300wpm)
Kira laughs, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear. “Oh, absolutely. You should’ve seen him when I got sick the first time. Full-on panic mode. Started researching morning sickness remedies at three a.m., woke me up just to tell me about ginger chews.”
I nod, nod, nod. Laugh in all the right places. React with all the right oohs and awws and oh my gods. I ask the right questions. I keep the spotlight firmly on her because I cannot, under any circumstances, let it turn back to me.
Because inside? Inside, I am spiraling.
A baby.
That’s what normal people do, right? They meet someone, fall in love, and make little life decisions that build into something bigger. Something real. Something that lasts.
Bane and I… we didn’t do that. We got married so he wouldn’t get fired.
He says he loves me, but…
But does he want this?
Could I even give him this?
Would I even want to? I can’t even keep a fucking houseplant alive, let alone a human being. Sometimes, I can barely get myself out of bed. But what if…?
I shake it off, shake it all off, and force another smile. Bigger. Brighter. No cracks allowed.
“And have you picked a name yet? Because if it’s something boring like ‘John’ or ‘Emma,’ I’m legally obligated to riot.”
Kira laughs. The conversation moves on, but the pit in my stomach doesn’t go anywhere.
She invites me to a baby shower she’s having tonight, and of course, I agree to come. I missed the invite she sent in the mail because I hadn’t been at my apartment in forever.
Not that I’ve told anyone about marrying Bane and living at his place.
It’s just that I’ve been... happy.
That’s the whole problem. Happy is such a fragile thing.
If I tell anybody about it, I’ll jinx it.
I was going to tell Kira today but immediately abandoned the idea. Especially if I’ll be seeing everybody else later tonight. The day should be firmly focused on her and Isaak’s happy news.
So, I just keep nodding and smiling. Keep pretending.
Mid-spiral, I overcompensate. Hard. My words speed up, my hands fly everywhere, and my jokes? They’re not quite landing. I don’t care. I just need to keep moving. Keep talking. Keep laughing.
“Okay, enough baby talk,” I announce, flagging down the waiter. “Tell me how Isaak is in bed now that you’re all domestic. Does he still act like a grumpy bodyguard, or is he finally letting loose?”
Kira just tilts her head at me. “Moira, are you okay?”
And I—who am absolutely definitely not okay—grin. Too wide. Too sharp. “Why wouldn’t I be? I’ve got Bane now. Everything’s going totally great with me.”
Kira gives me a look. I hate that look. It’s her I’m a-budding-psychologist-and-I-see-you look. The one that says she can hear the cracks even if I’m trying to fill them with noise.
So I double down. Laugh too loudly. Gulp the margarita I ordered with lunch. Do anything to drown out the thoughts creeping in.
Kira folds her arms, watching me. “Moira—”
“No, no, we’re talking about you today, remember?” I wave dramatically at the air between us, my bracelet jingling too loudly. “The glowing, perfect mommy-to-be and her big, scary protector man. So tell me, does Isaak do that thing where he broods harder when he gets turned on? Or does he just grunt, flip you over, and get the job done?”
Shit. The second it’s out, I know it’s one of those inappropriate things to say. If only I could realize this shit before it comes flying out of my mouth. I should probably definitely not be referencing the fact that I used to sometimes fuck her now baby-daddy back when the both of us would get bored at the club. Before he’d met her or I’d met Bane.
Kira sighs, but she smirks, unbothered. “You are so deflecting right now.”
“Me?” I gasp, pressing a hand dramatically to my chest. “Never.”
She just lifts an eyebrow, unimpressed. “You can’t outrun your own brain forever, you know.”
“Watch me.” I signal the waiter. “Two tequila shots, please! Don’t worry,” I grin. “I know you can’t drink. They’re both for me.”
She sighs.
The ping of my phone saves us both. It’s a message from Anna’s phone.
Splitzy: It’s Mads. We need to talk. Where are you?
I glance around, eyes zeroing in on a bar across the street. I quickly type the name into the phone.
Splitzy: Kay. Be there in fifteen.
I down one of the tequila shots, squinting against the burn, then look to Kira as I reach for my coat. “Gotta go. It’s been so great to catch up.”
Her eyebrows are still furrowed with worry, but I wave my hand. “Oh, stop it. I’m fine. And seriously. I’m so freaking excited for you guys. See you later tonight.”
I drop cash on the table for my part of the meal as I get up, then come around to her, lean over, and hug her hard. “This is the luckiest kid in the universe. I can’t imagine two better parents.”