Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
She sets the plug into place, adjusts the water again, and then comes to stand behind me. I’m wearing an oversized T-shirt and shorts, and it isn’t without difficulty that I take them off. Getting naked in front of my sister-in-law isn’t on my top ten list of things I ever wanted to do, but it’s either her or Antonia.
It’s not until she helps me out of my shirt and discards it on the floor that I hear the quiet gasp from behind me. And then it hits me.
My scars.
I suck in a sharp breath and wait, tension blooming in my chest. It isn’t as if I’d forgotten they were there, but I had become used to not hiding them with Judge, and even Lois. I wasn’t thinking about Ivy seeing this part of me. Now that she has, there’s no turning back.
“Mercedes.” I feel her trembling hand on my shoulder, emotion choking her voice. “My god. Who did this to you?”
I dip my head, too choked up to speak myself. I’m so fucking tired of crying. I don’t want to spend one more second like this. Ivy seems to understand that, and she lets me have this moment, not pushing it further as she changes tack.
“Let’s get you in the tub. I’ll help you wash your hair.”
It isn’t an easy feat, but she does get me into the tub, and almost immediately, the warm water loosens some of the stiffness in my body. I relax into it, and Ivy fingers the delicate chain around the back of my neck.
“Should we take this off first?”
“No.” I shake my head, my fingers coming to rest on the necklace.
She pauses, and there’s an understanding in her voice when she speaks. “It’s beautiful.”
I don’t have to tell her who gave it to me. She knows but doesn’t say anything about my desire to keep it on. I’m grateful for her compassion, and even more so that she washes my hair gently and efficiently.
It’s so strange how my hatred for her clouded everything else about this woman. But now, in my clarity, I can see her for what she is. She is a gentle woman. A kind woman. She’s a woman who, despite all odds, loves my brother. And I know she’s a good mother too. I admire her for all those things, but most of all, I admire that she could find it in herself to forgive me and help in this way.
“Let me brush this conditioner through your hair.” She walks to the vanity and grabs a comb, and I curl my knees into myself, staring at the wall.
When she comes back and starts to work the conditioner through my ends, I close my eyes and release a painful breath.
“My father.”
She pauses, the words lingering between us. “Your father?”
“The scars,” I explain, my voice almost too faint to hear.
Another stuttered breath leaves her lips, and slowly, she returns to her work. “I’m so sorry, Mercedes.”
We leave it at that, and I don’t know why, but it feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. This burden I’ve been carrying for so long has been heavy, but even just acknowledging it helps. And in a way, it feels like the playing field has been leveled now. Ivy knows my vulnerability, just as I’ve known hers.
We settle into a comfortable silence as she finishes with my hair, and I use the sponge to wash my body. It’s exhausting and time consuming, and it only gets harder as I exit the tub and she wraps me in a robe before drying my hair and leading me back to the bedroom.
The bed is already calling me back, but Ivy has other plans, taking me to the small table and chair and sitting me down to eat.
“Try to finish half of it,” she suggests. “It will help you get some energy back.”
To my surprise, a small tendril of hunger curls in my stomach when I smell the gnocchi soup. They’ve forced me to eat something small every day, but it’s been mostly broth and smoothies. Things I could consume with little effort. Today’s meal is one of my favorites that Antonia used to make me often. It takes longer to eat, but as I do, I start to feel some of the fog clearing from my head.
“Is Santi still angry?” I ask between bites.
Ivy shifts on the chair next to me, and I know that’s a yes. But she tries to soften the blow. “He’ll get over it. He has no choice. I think more than anything, he’s hurt. He feels betrayed by Judge, and he’s worried about your future.”
“I’m going to be okay,” I tell her, and for the first time in days, I feel it’s true. There will always be a part of me that’s emptier without Judge. A broken, hollow part of me that aches for him. Though I have no choice but to move forward for my children.