Total pages in book: 65
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 61767 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 309(@200wpm)___ 247(@250wpm)___ 206(@300wpm)
I squeeze my eyes shut, releasing a quiet breath as I try to formulate a sentence. But as he thrusts into me, the only thing I can think about is how much I have missed this. I have missed him. Even in the moments of his cruelty, it still feels sweeter than anything I’ve ever tasted. I’m already on the verge of coming when his fingers dig into my hip, and he releases my hair to slap my ass cheek.
“Answer me,” he growls.
I don’t, and he smacks my ass again, harsher this time, his hips colliding against me as he thrusts deep. Fast. Hard.
“Oh god,” I whine. “Judge, please.”
He slaps my ass so hard I’m on the verge of coming violently, only for him to pull out and ruin it at the last second.
“This isn’t for you,” he snarls, milking his cock in his fist.
I turn to look at him just as he releases, his come spurting over my ass. There’s not an ounce of satisfaction in his eyes. He’s doing this to punish me. I realize that when he smears the liquid from his hand onto my skin, leaving me exposed as he tucks himself into his pants and stares down at me.
“Go get ready. We have a fucking baptism to get to.”
* * *
The car ride to the IVI compound is tense and silent. Judge stares out his window, and I stare out mine. I wish I could say the mood improves when we arrive and I see beautiful little Elena in her christening gown, but it doesn’t.
Judge allows me exactly one minute to say hello before pulling me back to stand away from the rest of the gathered crowd. We watch the baptism from a distance, and sadness washes over me as I realize how far away my family feels.
I should be Elena’s godmother, but I’m not. Santiago won’t grant that to me. It only makes me realize that even though he said we’re going to put the past behind us, things will never be the same. I’ll never feel like a part of this.
I think the best thing I can do for everyone is leave. Maybe that would make them all happier. Maybe there’s a scrap of happiness somewhere out there for me too, but I doubt it. I’m stuck in my feelings when the ceremony ends, and there’s a small opening for me to see Elena one last time. I know we aren’t staying for the celebration after, and that sucks, but I can tell it’s because Judge doesn’t want anyone to see what’s beneath my dress. He’s been on edge the entire time we’ve been here, his eyes scanning the crowd as if someone’s going to notice it at any second. If I don’t get out of his hold soon, I know he won’t let me go anywhere for fear of someone finding out.
Setting those thoughts aside, I join Santiago and Ivy briefly to offer them my gift, and then I stroke Elena’s soft little cheek. It’s all I have time for before Judge drags me back out into the courtyard and then back to the prison of his house.
Darkness settles over me, and I curl into myself for the duration of the ride. When we arrive, I don’t bother to say anything else to Judge. I don’t even look at him as I walk to my room, strip off my clothes, get into the shower, and cry.
9
JUDGE
Betrayed. That is the single word I come to at the end of the day every single day.
She is pregnant. And she has kept it from me knowingly from the beginning. From the moment she didn’t swallow the pill she put into her mouth right before my eyes.
I tap Kentucky Lightning and click my tongue. She takes off, galloping toward the jump I barely stopped Mercedes from taking that day so long ago that it feels like another lifetime.
She lives in her room now and I in my study. I go upstairs to my bedroom to shower and change. As much as I don’t want to, I often catch myself slowing at her door. And sometimes when I do, I hear her cry quietly. I allow myself to place my forehead against the door. I’ve even closed my hand over the doorknob. But I’ve stopped short of opening it. And as I stand there, I let myself feel the agony of it all wash through me. The impossibility. Because there’s only one way this can go. And we will both lose.
What the hell did she expect to happen? What did she want out of this? Marriage? I won’t. I can’t. I swore it to myself a long time ago. Only I know my reasons. She thinks she does, but she only understands the very surface of it all.