Total pages in book: 80
Estimated words: 75968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 75968 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 380(@200wpm)___ 304(@250wpm)___ 253(@300wpm)
We were out late, so late that by the time we were done, it was almost lunchtime. Breakfast food was perfectly agreeable to both of us. I was dead tired because work had become my life, and then I needed to give my woman the attention she deserved when I came home.
My bachelor days were behind me. I didn’t have my house to myself, didn’t watch the game with a decanter of scotch as my only company. Now, there were vases of flowers in the bathroom and the living room that hadn’t been there before. Sometimes when I opened my drawer to grab underwear, her thongs spilled over onto my side. Another nameless woman wouldn’t be in my bed. I wouldn’t leave cash on the nightstand for the whore who did her job.
But one single woman gave me more joy than all those things.
“How’s the wedding planning?” Luca asked.
“Ask Fleur.”
He took another enormous bite and needed several seconds to swallow it. “Do you know anything about it?”
“She wants to get married in Luxembourg Gardens then have the reception at the Four Seasons.”
“Then it sounds like a big wedding.”
“That’s what happens when you know the entire city.” I ate my eggs and bacon before my pancakes. Luca preferred to hit the sweets before the savory food.
“Is your mom helping her?”
“No, but I guess I should recommend that. They could get to know each other better.”
He nodded with a mouthful of food. “Double-edged sword. Your mom could start pressuring her into grandkids and all that horseshit.”
“Fleur and I aren’t having kids.”
“Really?” he asked. “Lucky you, man. Women are so obsessed with kids like there’s nothing more to life. Fleur is cool, so I guess that doesn’t surprise me.”
I debated telling him the truth. Should probably keep it to myself because it was my business, but I told the guy everything. “Actually, she wants kids, but only if I leave the business. I told her I wouldn’t do that, so she said she was fine not having them.”
That was surprising enough that it made Luca stop eating. “Just like that?”
“She said she’d rather live without children than live without me.”
He continued to look skeptical about the whole thing. “And you’re okay with that?”
“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it? That’s exactly what I want. I’ve never wanted kids. A long life with Fleur with nice dinners and warm nights in front of the fireplace and expensive trips is what I want.”
“But that’s what you want. She wants that and more.”
“Relationships are about compromise. You can’t have it all.”
“Really?” He didn’t return to his food, and the conversation became far more serious than I’d expected it to be. “Because it looks like you got everything you want…”
I didn’t let my anger rise, not when we were in a crowded room, not when I knew he always meant well, even when we butted heads. “I told her we can do the kid thing. I’m not the asshole, and I don’t appreciate being treated like one.”
“I’m just surprised, man.”
“Why? I told her I would protect her and whatever children she wants to have. Not my fault she doesn’t have any faith in that.”
“Your dad always protected you, didn’t he? But growing up in that situation fucked you up bad.”
“I would never involve my kids in this life.” I’d never put a gun in their hands and order them to shoot an innocent girl. I would never tell them they were unwanted, even if that was how I really felt.
He was quiet for a while, looking down at his food but not eating it. “You’ve loved this woman since the moment you saw her. I know she took off in the beginning because she was scared, but this woman fucking drowned, and she stayed. Now you tell her you won’t give her a family in a safe environment, and she still stays. The loyalty she has shown you is unbelievable. She’s got balls, man, and I’m just surprised that after all that, you could do this to her.”
I’d felt no guilt for my decision, but Luca completely changed that perception.
“How can you love this woman as much as you do and refuse to give this to her?”
“I think you’re just trying to take my job.”
He immediately smirked at the taunt. “If I want your job, I’d just shank you, asshole.”
I’d made a joke to dispel the tension, but the second I waved away the smoke, it wafted back in.
He turned serious again. “It’s not like this is happening now. You’ve got at least five years, Bastien. I don’t want kids, never have and never will, but if I loved a woman like you do, I couldn’t do that to her, not when she’s been one hell of a woman.”
My food remained untouched and turned cold, and the rest of my body followed suit, like I was in the process of rigor mortis. It was hard to imagine a boring life of diaper changes and spit-up all over my clothes, especially when I didn’t have the adrenaline at night, when I didn’t thrive in the shadows after they went to bed. Adrien had been a big fucking disappointment for her, said he loved her and never proved it, never gave her the love and respect she deserved.