Total pages in book: 141
Estimated words: 132657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 132657 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 663(@200wpm)___ 531(@250wpm)___ 442(@300wpm)
“But you didn’t and everything fell apart.”
“It did,” he agreed. “It fell apart at the worst possible time. Or you could say it fell apart at the best time. It fell apart before I had to truly make the decision about what I was willing to give up for my revenge.”
“You gave up me.”
“Not for revenge.” If there was one thing he wanted her to understand, it was this. “Baby, think about how much easier it would have been for me if you stayed. I wouldn’t have been questioned about whether or not I knew you were a PI. Yeah, they figured that out, and I knew they would.”
“I didn’t think about that. What happened?”
“Nothing important.” Nope. That wasn’t going to work. He let his head fall back. She deserved the truth, and he deserved to say all this shit so he had some chance of purging it from his system. He was so tired of carrying this load alone. “They beat the shit out of me. I got my ass sent to what passes for a cartel prison for a couple of days. I told them I discovered you were lying to me right before you called the cops in, and I only barely managed to get away. I think the only reason they didn’t kill me was I worked with a supplier who wouldn’t talk to anyone else.”
“Rick? The guy who made X?”
He nodded. “It was their best seller at the time, and they decided scaring the shit out of him didn’t work. The only thing that worked was me. He died, you know. Got caught in the middle of a firefight when he was delivering a shipment.” He thought about Rick a lot. Smart. Had everything to live for except a couple of undiagnosed mental health issues caused him to slide into criminality. He could have been a chemist or a researcher if his parents had the money for college, or hell, even a damn doctor. Instead he made money the only way he could, and he died for it. “There was also the fact that I texted my direct superior. I had to let him know or it would have looked bad. I know you think I up and decided to dump you one day, but I carefully planned it once I realized they were coming after you next and you wouldn’t leave me behind.”
She was quiet for a moment. “You could have talked to me.”
“Really? Because I remember several conversations that ended in screaming matches about the subject.” Of course those screaming matches had turned into long sessions in bed where they solved nothing but the sexual tension between them. He wondered how Niall would have handled it. Niall likely would have sent them to their corners and said no hot sex until we can leave the word hate out of the mix.
Would they be here if Niall had been with them back then?
“Yeah, I remember that, too. We were always way too passionate. I don’t suppose that would have lasted. My dad figured out it was a guy who I got into trouble for and he told me passion like that always either burns out or burns the people caught in it. So the truth of the matter is it wouldn’t have worked. You were like a drug to me. I got addicted fast, and I was willing to do anything to get another hit.”
His heart ached that she thought of him that way. “I don’t remember it like that. I saw you as the only real thing in a world I didn’t want to be in. You were… Sometimes I wish I met you before Tommy died.”
Her head shook. “You still would have investigated.”
“Investigated. Not given up my whole life because I didn’t think I had one. Because I know I should have been there for him.”
“You were in the military,” Harlow argued. “You couldn’t exactly come any time he called. We’ve talked about this.”
“Not this way. Not when I’m calm and looking at my life in a different way. It’s odd how clear things become when you have no more options. Or I guess I have most of the options now.” He sighed. It was overly dramatic but true. “It’s weird. Now I have to figure out how to live a whole life. I have to find a way to not feel like I failed. I meant what I said. If your cousin can take down Hamilton, I’ll be at peace with it. Even if it means I have to testify and admit everything I’ve done.”
Even if it meant going to jail. Hell, at least in jail he could moon over her without the option of stalking her. Although that was another way to get his ass thrown in jail. Or dead, if her dads got hold of him.