Total pages in book: 401
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 390373 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 1952(@200wpm)___ 1561(@250wpm)___ 1301(@300wpm)
My chest stuttered. “Yes,” I whispered.
Casteel inhaled sharply. “That’s a lie, Poppy.”
“No, it’s not—”
“If it was true, you never would’ve,” he cut in, slicing his hand through the air, “asked Kieran to be the one to put you in the ground.”
CHAPTER 53
POPPY
Horror exploded in my chest as I stared up at him, frozen to where I stood.
Casteel held my gaze, the lines and angles of his face impossibly harsh as things…everything started to click together.
His doubt when I’d said I knew I could come to him.
His comments about me trusting him.
How Kieran and he interacted—or didn’t. The distance between them. The tension.
Oh, gods.
He’d learned what I’d made Kieran promise.
“Everyone needs to leave.” Chair legs screeched over the stone as Kieran stood. “Everyone out. Now.”
I didn’t know if everyone listened or how fast they left. It was only when Kieran appeared behind Casteel that I found my ability to speak.
“How…how did you find out about that?”
“It was when you were under Kolis’s influence,” Kieran answered. “In a moment when you had control, you summoned me.”
“Oh, my gods.” I stepped back, wiping my damp palms down the sides of my tunic.
Casteel remained silent, his lips pressed together.
“And asked me to fulfill my promise,” Kieran finished.
“I don’t remember.” I took several more steps back, my gaze moving between them. “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“It wasn’t my—”
“Not you,” I stopped Kieran. “Cas, why didn’t you talk to me?”
Eather flashed in Casteel’s eyes. “Why did you think I couldn’t handle it? How could you—?” His voice thickened and filled with pain. “How could you ask him to do that?”
My heart cracked at the sound of his voice. “You weren’t there. You were being held captive.”
“It’s more than that. If it wasn’t, we wouldn’t be having this conversation,” he said. “You wouldn’t be asking me to stay back because you don’t think I can handle myself.”
“That has nothing to do with it. You know you wouldn’t just stand by as Kolis says some of the most disgusting things you can im—”
“What things?” His eyes narrowed on me. “What did he say to you through that fucking Revenant?”
“It doesn’t matter—”
“See! Right there. You’re showing exactly how much you trust me.”
“It has nothing to do with you! I don’t want to think about what he said, let alone repeat it.”
Casteel went quiet.
Drawing in a too-short breath, I stepped toward him. “What I asked Kieran to do had nothing to do with me not trusting or believing in you. It had everything to do with me not wanting to put you in a situation I knew would destroy you.”
“And you thought it wouldn’t destroy Kieran?” he fired back.
I looked at Kieran. He had sat on the edge of one of the armchairs between the balcony doors and the table. “No,” I whispered. “I made a choice. And I…chose you.”
“Sounds like you chose the exact opposite.”
“Fucking gods,” Kieran muttered, staring at his hands. “You’re being a fucking idiot right now.”
Casteel barked out a harsh laugh.
“It’s not funny.” Kieran looked up. “I told you that you needed to talk to her. If I’d known it would turn out this way, I would’ve kept my mouth shut.”
“Something you’re clearly good at,” Casteel retorted.
Kieran rolled his eyes.
My heart cracked as I stared at them. I’d never heard them speak to each other like this. And I’d done that—to them. To us.
“Cas.” I reached for him, my hands trembling. “I’m—”
“Don’t.” Casteel moved back, his jaw clenched.
My heart didn’t just crack then. It nearly broke as I lowered my hands. I felt the burn of tears crawling up my throat and folded my arms across my waist.
Casteel blinked several times and looked away. “I thought you knew,” he said, his voice rough. Raw. “That I would do everything to keep you safe, even from yourself.”
“I do know that,” I swore. “But if I lost control, you wouldn’t have had time to stop me. You have to remember this was before the Joining. Before what we’ve become.”
“And now?” His gaze returned to me. “What’s your excuse for now? For thinking I can’t handle myself with Kolis or the Fates?”
“Because I know you would do anything to keep me safe. You would not be able to—”
“Stop myself?”
“Am I wrong?” I asked.
“You’re not,” Kieran stated. “And that’s his problem.”
“Shut up,” Casteel growled.
I looked between them. Was it? Possibly, but it wasn’t only that. I had messed up. I never should’ve asked Kieran—no, I’d needed to make sure someone knew when to step in. What I should’ve done was tell Casteel. I had ample time. And I never should’ve made Kieran keep it a secret from Cas. It didn’t matter that I thought I was protecting their relationship. Intentions meant so very little when things went wrong. It was something I knew.
But he also had to know his limits.
“It wasn’t easy for me to ask that of Kieran,” I told him, swallowing. “He didn’t want to agree. He wasn’t happy about it. And I shouldn’t have asked him not to tell you. I should’ve told you.” My chest ached. “I’m sorry, Cas. I’m so sorry. I never meant—” I squeezed my eyes shut, shaking my head as I turned away. I reopened my eyes to see that the sky had darkened beyond the balcony doors. “I never meant for you to feel this way. For me to make you feel this way. I was wrong.” I whirled back around. “And I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that.”