Total pages in book: 105
Estimated words: 101168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 101168 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 506(@200wpm)___ 405(@250wpm)___ 337(@300wpm)
Amelia cupped her hand to her ear. “What was that?”
“I said you’re right, my wisest and most trusted advisor.”
“I know,” Amelia said cheerfully.
“Your every crumb of sagacity is a blessing to my—” Jamie was interrupted by Amelia shoving a doughnut into their mouth.
“Mm, ’s my favrt,” Jamie said through a mouthful of delicious old-fashioned.
“You’re the smartest, most correct person I’ve ever—” Jamie intercepted the second doughnut before Amelia made it to their face and held on to it for later.
“All right,” Jamie said, in a much better mood now. “Let’s go make a bunch of people scream.”
***
Jamie cued up the scene in Amelia’s film and cast it to Edgar’s television.
“It’s not scored yet or anything,” Jamie explained. “This is just a rough cut she gave me to show you.”
“Good,” Edgar said with a shiver.
Jamie pressed Play.
The clip was eight seconds long. It was dark, and the loop of the abandoned roller coaster soared through the fog in the background. In the fore, feet in yellow sneakers ran through the dark park, then skidded to a stop. The camera traveled up slowly, and Edgar came into view.
His hair was cobwebbed and skin cinereous, his eyes dark pits, his mouth wizened. The ghost onscreen opened its maw and screamed, darting forward to chase his victim out of the shot.
“Holy shit. That was really me?” Edgar asked, looking stricken.
“Yup. What do you think?”
“I’m…really scary,” Edgar said slowly. “If I saw that ghost from across the street, I would definitely be terrified.”
“Yeah.”
Edgar’s eyes were on the paused screen, his mouth down turned as he peered at ghost him.
“What’re you thinking about?”
Edgar turned pained eyes to Jamie. “I’ve been a ghost.”
“Yeah. You’re scary as hell! It’s awesome.”
“No, I mean.” He shook his head, and when he spoke next, his voice was thick. “I thought I was protecting myself. But you and Poe are right. I’ve been skulking around my own damn life, so scared of being scared that I just…hid.”
He swiped angrily at his wet cheeks.
“I’ve done more stuff in the last month than in the last five years. And—” His voice was unsteady, but he fought to speak anyway. “Is this what my life could’ve been?”
Jamie’s heart broke for him. They stroked his back and held his hand.
“I’ve been so scared for so damn long that I guess I didn’t think I could be any other way. And now…” He hung his head. “My life’s been so small. I’ve missed everyth-thing.”
Yes! Jamie wanted to shout. Yes, it could’ve been like this. It still can!
They took Edgar by the shoulders. “Baby. You experience the world in a way most other people don’t. Your fear is real and understandable. It’s not your fault that you’re scared. But it seems like you could be a little…less scared?”
Jamie didn’t want to seem like they were expecting Edgar to stop being afraid. They just wanted him to see how much progress he’d made in such a short time.
Edgar shook his head. “I’m more scared now.”
Jamie’s stomach fell. Well, that was short-lived. “Oh.”
“I’ve got more to be scared of now. I’m scared that Poe will leave in the middle of the night, like he did when he was sixteen, and I’ll never see him again. I’m scared Allie’s kid will see ghosts and be as scared as I’ve always been. I’m…I’m scared I’m gonna lose you.” He wouldn’t meet Jamie’s eyes. “That you’re gonna realize what a mess I am and how being with me isn’t worth it. But now that I know what it’s like to have you, it’ll be so much worse when you leave, and I just don’t know if I—”
He broke off, shaking his head.
“When I leave?” Jamie’s heart clutched. No, no, no, this can’t be happening. I can’t be thrown away again. Their mind screeched to a halt at that thought. Okay, whoa, slow down. “Hang on, mister,” Jamie said sternly, turning Edgar toward them.
Edgar blinked, his pupils dilating.
“That is a ton to talk about, and I’m excited to try, but I’m starting here: I don’t want to lose you or be lost. I really fucking care about you. I like your weird family. I like you. Like, I truly, deeply enjoy you. Do you understand?”
They cupped Edgar’s face, stroking his cheekbone with their thumb.
Edgar’s lashes fluttered, but then he met Jamie’s eyes, and the need there was fathomless. Heat sparked low in Jamie’s belly. They wanted Edgar’s need, his surrender. They wanted to tease him until he was so desperate he cried and then wreck him with pleasure.
Edgar said, “Me too.”
“Good. All of those are normal things to be scared of. Maybe you were so focused on your fear of ghosts that it was easy not to notice anything else.”
“So now I’m scared of natural shit as well as supernatural? This sucks.”
Jamie smiled and ran gentle fingers through Edgar’s hair. “Fear is the consequence of love. Now that you’ve registered how much you care about people in your life, you understand how horrible it would be to lose them.”