Total pages in book: 84
Estimated words: 81207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
Estimated words: 81207 (not accurate)
Estimated Reading Time in minutes: 406(@200wpm)___ 325(@250wpm)___ 271(@300wpm)
“Getting better. No more crutches, thank fuck.”
“You’ll be doing yoga with us in no time.” The goalie grins while Rylan shakes his head and mouths, “Don’t do it, man.”
“I’m not flexible at all. You might need Anthony for that shit,” Eric says.
“Wait. How do you know Anthony is flexible?” falls out of my mouth.
“Because he’s a dancer?” Eric answers. “Don’t worry, husband. I only have eyes for you.” He wraps his arm around me, and I freeze.
Mads and Rylan look at each other, probably wondering if they missed a step. Anthony and Hayes snicker.
“Not in a romantic way! We’re married, but not for the reasons you think. He only calls me husband to be funny. You know, ha-ha. That silly Eric.” Why can’t I stop talking?
“You guys are married?” Rylan’s brow furrows, his eyes darting toward our hands.
“No rings. I’m bummed about that.” Eric frowns.
“I’ll explain later,” Hayes tells Rylan.
“Wait. Can we get back to how incredibly flexible I am?” Anthony winks at me, and as his question leads to sex jokes, effectively changing the subject, I let out a relieved breath. He did that for me, and I can’t thank him enough.
“Come on, man. We need to head to the locker room.” Mads drags Rylan away.
“I’ll see you at home, baby!” he calls out as if it kills him to be away from Hayes for one second.
“I thought they knew we’re married?” Eric asks.
“Anthony and Hayes do.”
“Well, and now Rylan and Mads do as well,” Hayes says. “I can’t promise my boyfriend won’t talk about it all the time. Hope it’s not supposed to stay a secret,” he teases, but then, knowing Rylan, I think he’s serious.
Eric’s brows draw together. “Does it have to stay a secret with our friends? I thought we said—”
“What? No. It’s just…we’ll talk about it later.” I feel like the more people know, and the more it’s talked about, the bigger the possibility that my brain will confuse what this really is.
Maybe Anthony is right. I have some questions to ask myself. Maybe I should figure out why I’ve worked so hard to build these walls between me and Eric.
CHAPTER NINETEEN
Eric
So…I’m gonna suck Donovan’s dick tonight.
I really want to drive him wild, want to know what he tastes like and how he likes to be touched. I know everything else about him, so it’s about time I start learning these sexual things about him too. If you ask me, all it can do is make our relationship stronger.
“I bet I’m gonna be good at giving head,” I tell him on the drive home.
“Full of confidence, are you?” he teases.
“About sex stuff, I am. Do you like your balls licked? I really like mine to be all tongued up.”
“Oh, sweet Jesus,” Donovan replies.
“What?”
“You’re just so different, is all.”
I frown. “Different from me? I’ve always been like this.” I’m not so sure I like where this conversation is going.
“No. Different from everyone. You always have been.” When I don’t respond right away, he adds, “It’s a good thing, babe. I just love how you jump into everything. You don’t second-guess yourself. Even when you feel like you don’t know who you are, you do. Like realizing you’re bi. Some people would have gotten all up in their heads about it, but you didn’t. You just went with the flow.”
He’s giving me way more credit than I deserve. I second-guess myself about some stuff. I can’t even keep a job or health insurance. “It’s easy because I’m doing it with you. If I had to find some rando to blow, I’m not sure I’d be as confident. You’ll show me what to do, and if I suck at first, it doesn’t matter.”
“Didn’t you just say you’d be good at it?”
“I’m trying to be humble here,” I joke, and we both laugh.
Donovan sobers. “I really am serious, though. I was so stressed when I realized I was gay.”
“You were a kid, and the world was different.” It’s still not great. There’s a lot to do, but it is better.
“I didn’t care what most people thought. I knew my family would accept me, but…I was so scared of telling you, of losing you.”
That admission stops my heart. How could I have ever let Donovan doubt me? “I’m sorry if I did something that made you think I—”
“No,” he cuts me off. “You didn’t do anything. I promise. It’s not in your DNA. But we were kids, and I thought you were straight. Times were different, like you said. I was so worried you would think that meant I wanted you or I’d be inappropriate with you, that you’d be embarrassed of what others would think. But those things were coming from my head—internalized shit and because the world can be a fucked-up place sometimes.”
I got that from our conversation when we were kids, him being nervous about me knowing, but it’s not something I’ve thought of in a long time.